It's so fun getting to know a new culture and country.
Getting to explore something completely new. Everything feels different, you need a nap just from going on a walk or a 10 minute conversation.
Its like your brain is smooth again, you are a child once more. Your abilities are no longer self sufficient, you rely on others for your eyes and ears. Your tongue no longer communicates in a way that others understand.
The information you were an expert in is no longer useful.
Simple things like a conversation now take, at the minimum, of deciphering an accent but often times takes a…
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My story is my own. It is mine to share with who I choose.
Those who are safe. Those who will respect the pain. Those who have felt the deep loss of what could have been. Those who have mourned fully.
Those who have searched to their core, and found the bottom.
Those who love me. Those that love me for what I am. Not what I give to them, or offer them. Those people who are whole with the knowledge of who they are.
People who don't need anything from me. Those are the people I will give myself to.
…
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I realized that my story isn't the kind that I will ever share in front of a congregation.
It isn't the kind of testimony that I will paraid around a church or publish in a book.
I always wanted an important story. A story with an impressive middle and inspiring end.
I mourned that I didn't have one. That I didn't matter. I mourned that I was a painfully average, good Christian girl.
Now I have had to mourn the loss of that not being true.
My eyes have opened. I have seen reality as facts.…
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Life is full of pain. Whether we choose to see it or not. If it's not pain inside of us, it is still out there.
Will we look at it? Will we let it touch us? Will we feel it.
Will we let people touch us? Will we let their stories become a part of us?
Will I allow myself to be vulnerable? Will I let people see the power they have in my life. Will I open myself up. Will I let them touch my heart.
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What matters to you?
What matters at all?
I've found what matters to me.
I've decided that people matter.
In the middle of my pain I had decided that nothing matters. I morned. Deep in the loss of everything that had held dear.
But then in the middle of myself, in the center of myself, in the deepest of my pain, I found something.
Something does matter.
People matter.
In the core of who I am, other people matter to me. I haven't found why yet.
I know on the surface that God is why they matter.
But I haven't found…
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