The start of 2024 has been slow and reflective, with lots of cold, rainy days and even more thoughts and questions. This made writing an update a bit challenging. My first thought was, “What even happened last month?” but then I had an even scarier one: “What do I have to show for this month?” I’ve had the imagine of a cocoon on my mind with a little caterpillar essentially turning into goo in there, being broken down into it’s components to be regrown into something new. Maybe it’s the cold weather making me curl up in blankets, but I’ve felt a bit like a caterpillar in a cocoon. So here’s the recap of growth that’s been happening in the cocoon.
Arabic
Arabic was the main event of January. I spent 4 hours in class each day listening to children’s stories, conjugating verbs, learning grammar, and eventually drawing little cartoons to tell my own stories! We also spent much more time talking about everything from the weather to baking to… Jeffery Epstein (an interesting day). My 2 new favorite words are mawi and 3awi, which mean “to meow” and “to bark.” Mawi sounds like Maui (the Hawaiian island), and 3awi sounds like ow-ee, what you’d say when you get hurt.
I also finished the second level of Arabic classes at the very end of the month. On the last day, my teacher ordered manaqeesh (a soft flatbread with za’atar, cheese, or other toppings). It’s easy to feel like I’m not making progress when comparing day-to-day, but I’m trying to remind myself of the progress. I can understand basic stories, confidently order at a cafe, give directions to taxi drivers, and tell basic information about myself. One of my favorite things about Jordan is how encouraging people are. When I say I’m learning Arabic, native speakers are so excited and compliment my Arabic, even when I completely butcher it. I try not to take for granted the willingness of people to listen to a foreigner who has the language skills of a toddler (probably worse). Shway shway (“little by little”) I’m getting there.
English Center
Classes have started back at the English center my team runs! I’m still learning what my role here looks like, and this session has given me more opportunities to use my most recent job experience: making coffee. While I’m learning and adjusting to so much, it’s satisfying to be able to contribute a skill I feel confident in. That being said, I’m not sure I’ve properly explained the center since being here, so here’s a fuller picture: My team, in partnership with another, run a professional development center in a highly trafficked, conservative, unreached part of the city. The center currently offers English classes 2 evenings a week and is testing out some morning classes this session. Students come for an hour and a half class bookended by an hour and a half of time for practicing/conversing in “the Lab”, the cafe-style side.
The goal of the center is to meet people and form relationships that will extend beyond class. Many relationships have already come from the center, including one former student who I got to see 2 friends read the Bible and have a lengthy spiritual conversation with last month (primarily in Arabic). Experiences like this make me so thankful for all the people who’ve come before me, the experience they have, and their willingness to include me and offer guidance and encouragement as I learn how to work here.
What I'm Learning About Productivity
I went to renew my visa after being here for 3 months. When I first got here, I imagined what this point would be like. I would be settled and comfortable and confident here. For some reason 3 months sounded like much more time back then. I thought (or maybe more like hoped) I’d “have my act together” by now.
This seems like a relatively common human problem. We overestimate our productivity, our ability, our control over life. We try to have it all together. I’m afraid of failing to live up to the perceived expectations of me. But nothing I’ve learned about God leads me to believe his goal for us is to get to a place where we don’t need him. The last couple of months have challenged ideas of success, purpose, and worth. It’s gotten harder to believe God wants me to always be at peak efficiency, like a well-oiled machine, when he’s led me to a place where I’m relearning to do just about everything and have the language skills (and sometimes mental capacity) of a toddler. So what is important to him? What is he really like? Who did he make me to be? These are some of the questions I’ve been thinking about a lot. Because sometimes you’re got it together, and sometimes you’re a caterpillar turning into goo in a cocoon. Both are valuable.