This past month and a half, God has taught me a lot about obedience and pushing through fear to follow the Holy Spirit. In the past year, I have gotten a lot more comfortable talking with people at outreaches. But talking to random people on the street? Sharing the Gospel with a random person in the metro? Not my thing….terrifies me. But for months now, I have felt the Holy Spirit asking me to do it. I keep hearing the verse over and over, "If you love me, keep my commandments" (John 14:15). After several weeks of ignoring or not doing it and feeling guilt, I just decided to try? What do I have to lose? Only my own pride. So I started….
Most of my conversations have led to nowhere, nothing spiritual. But if I don’t start talking to people about normal things, how on earth will I ever share the Gospel with them? I always share with people that I am a dancer and talk about my arts group. Sometimes this leads to a conversation about my faith. Sometimes I offer to pray for them. Once or twice I have exchanged instagrams with them and we plan to talk again later. I have started carrying around cards with a New Testament and Jesus film QR code….
Is it effective? Am I really making an impact? I honestly don’t know. But am I walking in obedience? Yes. Is my faith growing as I do this? Yes. God has convicted me that even if my short conversations are not making a deep impact in people’s hearts, it is changing mine, and that is the most important thing. And as I have done this, I have experienced SO MCUH JOY. Every time I push through my fear to talk to someone or listen to the Holy Spirit, I feel SO MUCH JOY.
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Here are some stories from the past few months of following the Holy Spirit:
There was one day that I had planned to go to the government office to register my address. But when I prayed that morning, I felt God telling me not to go. I wrestled with that—I really wanted to do what I had planned. But God asked me, do you trust me? So I decided to trust Him. I felt him telling me to go have tea with one of my neighbors down the street. She wasn’t home so I went and sat at a cafe. After sitting there for a while praying, I felt God telling me to go sit at the bus station. I went and there was a lady there so I talked to her. She asked me the usually questions about my job and what I am doing, and that led into a conversation about Jesus. She was not super open, but I gave her the social media of my team and and incil card anyway. As I talked with her, another man came up and joined the convo, talking about allah and the prophets being the most important thing, very Muslim blah blah blah. He was hard to understand because he was mute, but spoke through an artificial voice box so he sounded like a robot. But then the lady left and I asked if I could pray for him. He said yes, and as I prayed, he began to weep. I didn’t have very much Turkish to talk to him but tried to tell him that Jesus loved him. I prayed that God would miracously heal him and I continue to pray for that.
As I walked away, I was blown away….if I had followed my plan, that never would have happened.
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On morning, I got on the metro to go to my language lesson. On the metro, I ran into a family--a mom, a son, and a daughter, who was in a wheelchair. I felt God telling me to go talk to them, but I hesitated. They got off at a different metro station then mine, but God said to follow them, so I did. Needing something to start a conversation, I asked if they knew where the nearest shopping mall was. They said they did and they were going there, did I want to walk with them? On the way to the shopping mall we had the nicest conversation, and I got to share a little bit about my arts job and why i came Turkey. When we arrived at the mall, I asked if I could pray for them. They said yes and seemed really touched. After that I walked back to the metro, smiling and laughing like an idiot because I felt such joy! I went out waaay of my way just to pray for them, and who knows maybe it will have minimal impact, BUT I felt joy because I said yes to Jesus and just did it.
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On Wednesday the 14th, my roommate and I met a 19 year old girl in a local Starbucks. She is from a city in the east but came to our city to study psychology. Before we left, İ asked if I could pray for her. She said yes, so I prayed for her in English and my roommate prayed for her in Cantonese. After İ asked her if she had ever met any Christians before--she said no! We were the first Christians she had ever met. I gave her one of the cards with the online New Testament and Jesus film--she was very excited and said she was very curious about other religions. She wants to watch the film and maybe read a little and then meet with us again and talk about it!!
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Not sure if any of the people I talked to or prayed for actually were impacted, but I am learning a valuable lesson. God knows best. Follow him, and when you do, you will be filled with absolute joy!!
Is that it? Am I doing it everyday now perfectly, without fear? I wish, but no. It is still a daily battle, and often I fail. Often, I don't talk to people. Often I don't listen. But little by little God is teaching me to follow Him and trust Him.
And on days that I don’t….God is gracious. I don’t have to beat myself up. God always offers another chance.