Hello friends! I wanted to do a several posts on culture shock, based on some of my experiences the past 6 months. This first post is a compilation of some thoughts I wrote in my journal after having been on the field for a month.
Culture shock is weird. One moment I am fine, the next I am near tears at the slightest provocation.
I thought I was prepared. I thought I was prepared for the big differences, the big changes, ready to learn and adapt. And in many ways I was....
The first few days were overwhelming, but after a week or so I felt like I had adapted enough to survive. I had acknowledged and accepted some of the biggest differences. I thought all was good ....
What I was not prepared for was the general build up of stress that leads me to snap at the most random times. Living in a new country, in a new culture means that you are CONSTANTLY outside your comfort zone the moment you walk out your door. It's exciting, but so so taxing mentally and emotionally because everythings is different. I often focus on the excitement, I don't usually acknowledge the stress. I go about my life like normal, but then the stress builds up until I snap seemingly out of the blue. Only then do I actually acknowledge, “oh I'm experiencing culture shock”.
I think the hardest part of the stage I am in right now is that I have adapted in some ways. I have adapted enough that daily life and tasks seem normal. I keep thinking I am good, that I am adjusting well.....but then something comes out of the blue and once again knocks me off my feet, and I am left a crying wreck, frustrated and angry at how hard this is and how weird it feels and how much I just want to be home...
Today we went to a local discount store that sells pretty much everything under the sun. We bought a whole bunch of stuff for our house, and we went to pay at the counter. It was kinda chaotic in the store. There were quite a few people near the doorway where we were paying, and multiple people talking at once. The cashier told me how much it was, and I opened my purse to get my cash. I had just withdrawn cash, so most of my money was in a small pocket in my purse. I couldn't really see what the individual bills were in the pocket, and I needed a lot, as we were buying a lot of goods at this store. So I pulled out my money, counted it out, gave him what I owed, and put the rest of my money back in my purse–didn’t think twice about it. On the way back to our apartment, my friend who has already been here for a year told me that in this country, it's a little offensive to flash your money to people. People here are more discreet with their money, rarely even pulling out their wallets....
A simple comment, right? Such a small thing, and honestly, not that different from the States. You probably shouldn't go flashing our money in the States either....yet immediately, I got frustrated and irritated. How was I supposed to get that large amount of money out without pulling out my wallet?! There was so much going on in that store, I had felt rushed, I was supposed to take time to hide my money and waste people's time? I was also frustrated at myself because I remembered being told that at our orientation. Why hadn't I remembered?
Such a little thing, yet I potentially offended someone. How am I supposed to learn? I keep making mistakes.... Frustration and irritation slowly dissipated, leaving me moody and sad, desperately wanting to just be home and live among people whose language I speak and whose ways I understand. Such a simple little instance, yet out of the blue it threw me off....
I managed to hold it together the rest of the evening, but when I got home, I lost it....crying and crying and crying, screaming internally, I JUST WANT TO GO HOME!!! I want to be in my comfort zone. I want to be surrounded by people who understand me. I want my family, I want my mom. I was quite literally sobbing....
In the midst of this, I started listening to this playlist I had created called Comfort from the Father. As I listened to the words of these songs, I felt the Lord speaking to me, saying...
God: I am here.....I am your home. I am with you every step of the way. I love you just the way you are, even at your lowest point. I hold all your tears in the palm of my hand and my heart is breaking with yours.
My situation didn’t change. My culture shock did not go away. Yet somehow knowing that God was with me the whole time and holding me through the whole process brought me immense peace. I realized that even though my physical circumstances had been flipped upside down, my God was still the same.
Want to listen to my playlist "Comfort from the Father"? You can listen here:
https://open.spotify.com/playlist/76SnK10Sq2I30Hc1o60fmW?si=1b366383b92…