A friend sent me this quote pictured above at a perfect time. At the time she sent this, I was becoming anxious waiting for resident permit results from my country of service. My roommates had just received negative results and had ten days to leave the country. Naturally, I was anticipating negative results too. But those ten days passed by, I said goodbye to my friends (for now), and started living all on my own. Now here I am two months later still waiting.
Weeks pass by with the same message online showing that my application is still processing. I felt so antsy the first few weeks. I was just waiting for who knows what. Will I stay? Will I have to rush and leave? Do I make plans with friends? Do I buy groceries this week? Everything felt uncertain, and I wanted to make a plan. But you can’t plan for the unknown. Alongside the logistical questions were the spiritual ones. What does God want? Why am I the one still here? What does He want me to do? What should I hope for? If I hope for acceptance, I could get disappointed if I’m rejected. And if I prepare myself to accept getting rejected by looking forward to seeing my boyfriend, family, and friends back home, then I’d have to face the homesickness if I’m accepted.
So, what do I hope for? What should I prepare for? A positive result, or a negative one? I can’t know. If I want what God wants, then I should hope for whatever answer is in his will. Which answer is that? I can’t know.
I was doing a devotional one morning and was struck by this realization: I should not be hoping for an answer at all. I should put my hope solely in God. I was so concerned about whether I should be looking left or right, positive or negative, acceptance or rejection, when all I have to do is look up.
When I was a kid, I had horrible car sickness issues. I always felt gross on car rides. I was told if I take some deep breathes, it would help ease the nausea. Inhale, exhale, repeat. This didn’t really do anything. Then I was told to keep breathing while looking out the window. So, I look outside, and nothing helps. I look out the left window at the trees zipping by with no improvement. I look out the right window, leaning across my sister to look at the cars driving by us on the highway. Nothing. Then I’m told to look at something that isn’t moving… like the sky. If I look at something that isn’t moving, it should help me feel still and ease the motion sickness. Sure enough, it worked.
All I had to do was inhale, exhale, and look up at something that doesn’t change. Something constant, still, and unwavering. Then I could be still. Then I could find relief. And that’s the same thing I still need—the same thing we all need. We can look to God, who is all-knowing and in control of every situation. The One who brings stillness and peace into every circumstance.