When I was a freshman, just starting college, I was wide eyed and hungry to learn. I had a lot of aspirations. I wanted to get my Bachelor’s in International Studies, learn Arabic, move overseas one day, and so much more. As I explained my goals and the dreams God was giving me to some other students over coffee one day, someone asked me one question.
“Don’t you think you’re a little in over your head?”
And just like that, my confidence melted away along with my response, “Well… maybe…”
Back then, I often bounced back and forth from the idea that God qualifies me to do what He has called me to do, to the idea that I am so unqualified and unworthy. To compensate for my inadequacy, I worked really hard, I worried and stressed, and I became overwhelmed easily. Because how could you not get overwhelmed when God wants to use you and you believe you aren’t prepared enough, or good enough, or intelligent enough? God’s work is so big and important and lifesaving… How could He use a little introverted, flawed girl from Virginia?
I wonder sometimes if Paul, an apostle of Christ Jesus, felt this way during the beginning of his ministry. Paul was a member of the Pharisees and was likely well educated in Athens. But he horribly persecuted Jesus followers. After God called Paul, revealing Himself and telling him to anticipate further instruction, I wonder what he felt. I wonder if he was overwhelmed. I wonder if he ever felt unworthy and inadequate, or if he felt confident and ready. I don’t know. All I know is that if I were in his shoes, I would feel unqualified—even despite my prior education. I would feel so in over my head. I would struggle to trust God. Even Jesus’s disciples did not initially trust him. Yet, God appointed Paul as His “chosen instrument” to proclaim the good news to the Gentiles. (Read more in Acts 9.)
This is where we get a lightbulb moment. Paul’s conversion and ministry didn’t have much to do with Paul. It was God who chose him and equipped him. Paul truly understood this. He explains this further in his letters to the Corinthian church.
“For Christ did not send me to baptize, but to preach the Gospel—not with wisdom or eloquence, lest the cross of Christ be emptied of its power.” 1 Corinthians 1:17
And again, in the next chapter: “For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. I came to you in weakness with great fear and trembling. My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit’s power, so that your faith might not rest on human wisdom, but on God’s power. 1 Corinthians 2:2-5
Then in the next letter, he speaks for everyone: “Such confidence we have through Christ before God. Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God.” 2 Corinthians 3:4-5
God is the one who calls. He is the one with power and wisdom, eloquence and competence. When God calls someone for His work, He is the One who provides the qualifications. There is a huge weight lifted off our shoulders when we look at our own weakness as a good thing instead of a bad thing for the Kingdom. God’s grace and power has authority over our flaws. So, when I worry about whether or not I am qualified for God’s work overseas, I imagine Him winking and saying, “Don’t worry, I gotchu.” A personalized version of how the Lord says to Paul: “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Corinthians 12:9
So, after coffee I returned to my little green Volkswagen Beetle and connected the bluetooth for music. The first song that came on was “In Over My Head” by Bethel Music. When you get a chance, go ahead, find this song and listen to it.
“Whether I sink, whether I swim, it makes no difference when I’m beautifully in over my head”
(In Over My Head by Bethel Music)
I thought to myself for the first time that being in over my head may not be a bad thing at all. No matter what has happened or what will happen, who I am or who I’m not, when I’m weak or when I’m strong, it makes no difference. God is sufficient. We can be confident in His power to save and work miracles and be humbled to join along for the ride.