In many ways, it feels like a failed first few months in my designated country. I planned to spread the word about how evil human-trafficking is, I wanted to rescue girls from bad situations and teach them skills to make a living. Reality has really kicked me down - I can hardly have a conversation let alone make a speech about human-trafficking, can someone explain how I can rescue girls from a trafficking situation (in a third world country I've never been before??), and I don't know any skills to teach others (not ones that are sustainable for people living in poverty). Before I left I was determined to conquer the world, and somehow got everyone on board with me. Now, I think I'd be a lot more useful at home. I'm living with almost a constant underlying anxiety about worthlessness, and on top of that - what is everyone going to think when they find out I literally can't do this? Africa is a whole lot bigger and more complex than my dream to change the world.
But, Jesus. He doesn't require my success, the fulfillment of my dream, or the approval of my supporters when I return. He doesn't require me to perform. He knows I'm a dreamer. He saw my mind spinning every day at all the things I wanted to do when I got to Africa. He didn't send me here because of those. I am tiny and He is Big. He has a Dream and a perfect plan to fulfill it.
"Many are the plans in a person’s heart,
but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails."
Proverbs 19:21