November.
We got our first snow fall in Chicago. Snow is top notch my favourite thing God pours from the skies. It also means I'm leaving soon.
Upon on all my preparation for this missions trip - I have felt so sure about this. I have felt so confident about it. I have felt the call so strongly to this. But still I am human. I still have doubts. It drives me crazy but I have to keep pressing on. Not in denial but more so in faith, I just continue on in my paper work, in my lingo as if I am fully funded. I am not. But if this is where God wants me, I need to stop putting my trust in myself. Which is easier to type, it's a difficult mindset to have. I need to trust the Lord. I need to trust the Lord. The hypotheticals like to pop up in my alone time with God, the "What-If's" arise when I'm riding the Red Line to the Northside, the "are-you-sure" clouds my vision when I'm organizing emails. Before I walk into a meeting I'm excited, as soon as I leave a meeting I'm super-smiley, after my Sunday morning prayer meetings I'm rejuvenated, after every phone call I'm hopeful. Through all the doubt my community shares the love of Christ with me and they are so excited for me, may I dare say they are more excited than me.
This week has been incredibly positive. I was given the opportunity to share my testimony with my small group and I wasn’t expecting to receive anything from sharing.
They responded by pointing out parts of my story that deeply resonated with them. They responded with bible in hand and read bible verses that encouraged me. One of my friends told me that I harbour such grace, that I am willing to share with others. That this is a character of Jesus that I carry well. That comment is one that I hold close because it is my desire to be like Jesus to share love like He did. Carry on community like He did. There are days this season is harder than others. Then there are days where God confirms the soul He placed in me, the drive He placed in me, and the opportunities He places before me. I cannot deny what God is doing. I need to get back after stumbling, clean myself up, and keep on pressing.