When you decide to serve God, you trust him to take care of you. Don't you? What if he doesn't. Not how you you expected him to. Not how you trusted him to. That's been my experience serving God in Bulgaria. Many times it didn't feel like God was taking care of me. I felt no love. I felt only pain. Pain that didn't have a sensible answer or reason. Maybe God didn't cause the pain, but he didn't stop me from feeling it.
I've come to understand that pain isn't the enemy. It just feels like it is.
Pain can be a door, if you are willing to open it.