My Puzzle

July 24, 2018

Counseling is basically bringing a puzzle to a professional puzzle solver. Telling the truth about how you made the puzzle, but how the puzzle is messed up because of people and choices. Giving the counselor all the keys to the puzzle that you have, and admitting that you've done everything you can to solve the puzzle and you can't figure it out. And then the therapist listens to all the ways your puzzle was broken and made harder by things you couldn’t control. And they listen to you cry about how the puzzle is stupid and worthless and how you don't want your puzzle anymore. Then they slowly walk with you through how your puzzle is valuable, beautiful and worth the time it takes to fit all the pieces together. Then one session after another you unpack all the pieces of the puzzle so they can get the full picture. Then they watch you try to fix the puzzle and every once in a while point out a key you didn't see. They keep your puzzle safe, so you can bring new pieces every week and leave them there, and then when you come back they are still laid out so you can pick up from where you left off last time, instead of starting over.

February 16, 2019

It’s strange to think how few pieces of my puzzle I really had a grip on when I first started laying them out in counselling. A couple times I had to start with a new therapist, but instead of starting over I was able to pick up the pieces I had already fit together and carry them to the next expert. Now I can see corners of my puzzle I never knew were there, and there is a clear picture where their used to be nothing. I’m so thankful I took the time to share my puzzle with a professional.  

Feb 20, 2019

One thing I want to clarify is how strongly I feel God leading me in my times of therapy. I know God wants our everything, and sometimes the time taken to “do self care” can be completely independent of God’s leading. I do believe though that God uses our looking inward as a way to show us how much we need Him. The tools used in therapy to help us heal wouldn’t work if God hadn’t created us to take time to deeply reflect on the past. I have heard many different Christian theories on this but I believe the more we understand our own story the more glory we can give to God. Often times it’s when I’m in prayer after my counselling sessions that I’m shown the way that God has weaved my story together. This often fills my heart with joy and my eyes with tears because of the deep love and tenderness I feel from my Father. The tools developed by psychologists can help uncover burdens and pain we didn’t know we carried. Before I go to therapy I take an hour or more to pray and give my therapy sessions to God. I then take an hour to debrief in prayer afterward and I often get so much clarity. Even when I don’t get answers I am still left with contentment that I am unconditionally loved. I have been able to give God deep wounds I didn’t know I had. By being able to honestly evaluate my pain and hurt from years ago I can get to the base of my own issues. Whether we address our past or not, it’s critical we don't let shame and fear make that decision for us.