Learning True Reliance

Emily Durkee Blog


February 13, 2019

When I first applied to be a goer it was over a year ago in September, and when I started taking it seriously it was almost exactly a year ago. I remember in past years seeing people’s “year end summaries” saying how much they had grown in the previous year. Most years, especially in college, I definitely would have said the same. But 2018 was a larger change than I ever would have asked for sincerely. It wouldn’t have helped if someone had told me how hard it would be, but looking back I am so thankful that it was too difficult to do alone. The people I’ve met, and relationships I’ve further developed are such a gift during my mental and spiritual battles. Of course I couldn’t have done any of this without Christ. Every single support meeting was dependent on my conversation with Jesus that happened before I arrived. The meetings I didn’t make time to pray beforehand I still regret because of my focus being skewed. I specifically remember the first impromptu meeting I had, rolling in without the time to give the meeting to Christ. About 3 minutes into the meeting I was overwhelmed with a heavy exhaustion and I didn’t think I had the energy to go on, knowing I had at least 17 minutes left in my rehearsed presentation. My literal strength was dependent on God. I had never had a job that I couldn’t do on my own. It’s strange to think that my hardest job is a spiritual one.