February 13, 2019
In years past most of my prayers consisted of “Lord lead me” and “please give me wisdom” spread out every couples of months. This year it seems like every several months have had a more intense theme of alternating “Lord open my eyes” and “I literally can’t go on.” The more I saw, the less I could get out of bed without relying on the Word of God and a constant conversation about my current battle. The hopelessness of not having any answers to the problems I saw afflicting those closest to me kept me going back to Jesus for the will to go on. It seemed like the more I released my problems to Jesus the more pain I became aware of around me. For the first time being able to release my burdens to Christ allowed me to be aware of far more intense suffering. I often find myself crying for Jesus to take the pain, to heal the internal wounds those near me carry. After hours of weeping the pain is replaced with peace that I never thought was possible. The people I see in my life that are most like Jesus are the ones who have walked through the worst suffering and given every piece of it to God. I often ask God why He lets His little ones suffer, why babies aren’t loved and children are abused. Often the answer that comforts me most is knowing that Jesus sees every moment. His babies are never alone. If I cry for children I barely know how much does he weep for babies He holds every moment. I’m tired of ignoring pain just because there is too much for me to rationalize.
Hebrews 13:20-21 (NIV)
Now may the God of peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant brought back from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great Shepherd of the sheep, equip you with everything good for doing his will, and may he work in us what is pleasing to him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen.