Yep, you read that title correctly. Nope, I am not looking for affirmation, just facing a reality.
7 years I’ve been dreaming about living overseas. 3 years ago I started looking into missions overseas seriously. My thoughts as I entered this season were pretty much, “God, You are welcome. I am here and I am going, just like You’ve asked. Because if this huge sacrifice and saintly act, I shall be entitled to receive Your never ending blessings, prosperity in ministry, and happiness… and the knowledge that I am better than everyone else. ~ Yours Truly” Little did I know the rude awakening I would have to face preparing to go on the field.
2 years ago I went through the humbling of a lifetime. Through events that took place in personal relationships, the Lord intervened and humbled me. I had never been so vulnerable and dependant on Jesus as I was my junior year of college. I had an incredible group of friends that I had unfortunately valued more than Jesus. As a people pleaser, being left alone is about the worst thing that could happen to me. This was the first time I had ever been completely and utterly dependant upon the Lord. The whole experience taught me that the work I had been doing to sustain status and ministry brownie points was worthless without the All-Surpassing Power and Love of Jesus Christ (Romans 10).
Going through this season was absolutely crucial for preparing my heart to do missions now. I have already been given the BEST, EVERLASTING blessing, and I am not entitled - I’m the recipient of the Greatest Gift. I also knew I had to be dependent on the Lord, I just didn’t know how. One has to hit rock bottom before he or she able to see that in our weakness Christ’s Power is manifested (2 Corinthians 12:10). This time of preparation has been such sweet communion with family, friends, and God. I am aware that I’m an idiot. But praise God for giving us the power to live in the Holy Spirit through the gift of His Son Jesus Christ. Though the storms rage on (Frozen quote?) we may be confident and dependant on Him. I have spent months reading and preparing, I know that He will be faithful to shine in His mission. I am simply a vessel.
As I depart for the field March 4th, I will meditate on His Truth. Thank you all for your love and support!