A few weekends ago we had a retreat with our local (nationwide) partners in ministry, SEPAL España. We studied the Word together, learned how to be more effective in the teamwork environment, prayed together for each other's ministries, sang songs together and relaxed by the beach (albeit in brief spurts). For me this was in important time not of rest, but of work. Formation and training to be effective in ministry for the rest of my life.
What I am learning is that being effective in ministry starts in a place that many are reluctant to go: knowing thyself. We all have parts of ourselves that we wouldn't necessarily discuss on a first date. You know, those characteristics of us that we would rather keep in a shoe box tucked away in the top-right corner of our closet for no one to see? Character flaws, personal issues, whatever you call them, these are the things that affect us deeper than anything else and deserve more than a casual mention when we are trying to sound humble in our weekly bible study. Going there takes guts... and a whole lot of trust. Trust in the One who's strength is made perfect in our weekness.
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A QUICK OVERVIEW OF WHAT I’VE BEEN UP TO:
This week I have already:
- Shared my testimony with two groups of people.
- Seen how baby donkeys are made (not by choice)
- Played guitar for my neighbors
- Spent some more time with my friend, the owner of a local bakery
- Continued with my flamenco guitar class
Since my last blog I have:
- Mastered the Spanish language (yeah right)
- Led worship in Spanish
- Gone hiking with friends from the Church
- Had some good conversations with people on the bus
- Made friends outside the church around the city
- Started my normal schedule again with Spanish class, helping with a college ministry, youth group, and attending a weekly prayer meeting at our church
Things have picked up quickly since the end of the summer and in terms of ministry, things have never been better. I have had more contact with people inside and outside of the church each week than I think I had most of the summer and the language barrier is much smaller now. Praise God! I am looking forward to developing and deepening the relationships I have made with everyone here as I continue to make this place home and seek to serve in this context.
Moving:
All good things must come to an end, they say. Well unfortunately, my current living situation will not be an exception to that. After living six months with my AMAZING, INSPIRING, FANTASTICALLY LOVING, AND EXTRAORDINARILY SELFLESS host family, it is time for me to seek new horizons. I hope to find a family to live with closer to my church or in the city to help with commute time (two birds with one stone); however, with all the relationships I have been building here in my pueblo, I am tempted to find a place here if possible. Another option in my program would be to live with Spanish college students. Finding any place to live without renting myself (which would be the worst case scenario) will not be easy as it took my boss months to find me this set-up. So PLEASE, keep this in your prayers as I will need to be moving out within the next few months.
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Between my studies in psychology, work, job interviews, self-help books, and more, I have taken countless personality inventories, strengths finders, spiritual gifts assessments, and you name it. Most have been really helpful for me in understanding how the Lord has made me and some have even helped me become aware of the typical shortcomings and weaknesses of people with my “personality type”. But the one thing that most don’t touch on, and perhaps can’t is how to read your emotions and respond well. Everybody handles their emotions differently, for better or for worse, and each person has their own unique set of past emotional scars and lies that they tell themselves about themselves. These things need to be worked through in a constructive way and in a way that is marked by compassion and humility. Knowing yourself is one thing, but actually learning to live with yourself is another.
In his book Emotionally Healthy Spirituality, pastor and author Peter Scazzero notes the importance of dealing with the emotions that come up in our lives in a healthy, God-honoring way:
“When we deny our pain, losses, and feelings year after year, we become less and less human. We transform slowly into empty shells with smiley faces painted on them. Sad to say, that is the fruit of much of our discipleship in our churches. But when I began to allow myself to feel a wider range of emotions, including sadness, depression, fear, anger, a revolution in my spirituality was unleashed. I soon realized that a failure to appreciate the biblical place of feelings within our larger Christian lives has done extensive damage, keeping free people in Christ in slavery” (p. 44).
This is the path that I am on. The path that I have chosen and the one that has chosen me. Diving deep into the subjective realm of emotions and learning how to integrate it with my objective hope in Christ. This is a fight worth fighting as I see it, as it marks the difference between someone living in the freedom of their calling in Christ and living in the same bondage of the fear of the unknown that once separated many of us from the One we now call Lord and Savior.
A good mentor once told me, “simply feeling an emotion won’t actually harm you.” And he is right. Feeling a “negative” emotion really has no more power to change us than does seeing a cloud in the sky. It simply makes us aware of things that we see as important. Like a blinking light on the dashboard of a car, anger, for example, warns us that the engine is running hot and we need to check under the hood. Feelings of anxiety or depression can often be a warning that our expectations are not being met. Becoming aware of these things, we can start to learn to deal with the intense emotions in our lives and control how much experiences can affect us.
What is actually damaging, however, is what we do to avoid feeling things. Even what I just said about “dealing” with emotions implies something that has its roots deep in most of our minds when it comes to handling our emotions. Most of us approach emotions from a problem-solving mentality. We often see emotions as things that point directly to a problem that needs to be solved. For example:
I am angry with my wife because she won’t let me leave for the weekend to go camping with the guys.
When it comes to responding to my anger then, I really only have one option. Solve the problem in order to not feel angry anymore. I approach emotions from a problem-solving mentality when I begin to argue with my wife to get my way or even just to end the conversation. I might really be lacking intimacy that I haven’t had with my wife recently. I see camping with the guys as some much-needed intimacy because I haven’t been getting that fulfilled at home with my wife who is just as busy as I am. On the other side, my wife sees me leaving for the weekend as denying her the intimacy that she needs a well. She hasn’t had any alone time with me and so staying home with her for the weekend is a great time for that. In reality, we are both lacking intimacy, we just have two very different ideas of how to get it.
Okay, this may seem like kind of a super-analytical way to look at emotions, and no one who is a human being can really look at their emotions this in-depth in-the-moment. The point is that there is always something lying underneath our strongest emotions and it is usually not the direct result of the event that just occurred. Part of knowing ourselves is knowing what our own emotions are telling us. This most likely won’t look like you yelling, “I feel inadequate and underappreciated!” the next time you raise your voice in a tense situation with your spouse or with a friend, but if we can learn to take a step back when emotional events stir us up (and they will), we can start to put the real problems in perspective and address the root of our frustration, sadness, jealousy, and much more.
(Most of the information above fits in the counseling theory called “Acceptance and Commitment Therapy” coined by clinical psychologist Steve Haze and colleagues)
So why did I write about this in my blog? Because these are things that I have been learning here in Spain as a missionary. The cross-cultural living context is like a pressure cooker for experiences that trigger strong emotions and call you to respond. My passion for emotional health and for people to know God are two things (among others) that have sort of steered my path ever since I started walking with Jesus. One of my convictions is that God wants us all to experience peace in our inner being. One way that we get to experience God’s peace is by experiencing the true love and acceptance that comes from knowing our creator and being known by Him. This often looks like emotional health. Obviously this isn’t the primary reason for us knowing our creator, but just like the physical, spiritual, and social parts of our lifes, God wants to be known through it all. He wants His glory to be known, that in Him alone is peace and justice and eternal love.
Pray With Me:
- For others in God’s Church to discover the lies that have affected their emotional lives in order that they might know a little more of the truth that God declares over them in Christ
- For the people of Granada to know the true love of their God through the person and work of Jesus Christ on their behalf
- For this missionary to find a housing situation through which he will be blessed and be able to bless others
*To support this ministry through financial contribution please see the green link on this page: "Support This Ministry"
** For More information on my specific assignment, see the following link to Avance España: https://gocorps.org/tracks/placements/n/9087556?platform=hootsuite