When I left CA to MN, I didn't think about how much my then close friends and I were going to change over the years, and how those changes would impact our relationship. Today, most relationships I have back in CA are much more like acquaintances, and only two relationships (that I can think of) are still going strong. I often reminisce about those lost relationships and sometimes wish I wasn’t so naive and quick about moving away (I decided one day that I was ready to leave CA for something new, talked to my mom and booked my flight the same day, and left the next month). However, every time when I think of this the Spirit is always so graceful to remind me that the past 7 years were foundational to building me up to be exactly where I am supposed to be today, a missionary awaiting her launch to serve the unreached people group of Thailand.
Now that I’m older and much, much, more sensitive, leaving (in 2 weeks) this time around has me feeling all sorts of ways I can’t really comprehend; I’m grieving. Seeing peoples’ faces at church on Friday evenings for The Vine (youth gathering) and Sunday worship services is hitting me hard. I can’t believe I won’t be with these people regularly anymore, and it makes me a bit sad knowing that years apart will change our relationship; will we be acquiantances or even strangers? I find it especially difficult that I won't see my best friend, Shiazong (the only person in the whole wide world who just gets me), regularly anymore. I’m grateful that I was here for Shia’s wedding, but dang, it’s hard knowing that I’ll probably miss out on her first pregnancy; I want to be there for her first pregnancy and all her God willing pregnancies so bad! I probably sound like I’m overreacting, but that’s only because there's a slight chance of me coming back to MN after 2 years.
I praise God for His hand over this season of grief. I’ve learned that grieving rightly is essential to the Christian faith because we are bound to suffer just as Christ did when we have heard and received the call of God in our lives. In the words of David Platt, “The call of the gospel is a call to gladly forsake pleasures of this world in favor of the pursuit of God.” This does not mean that it’s going to be easy, but because of the stronghold of God and the work of the Spirit, what we go through may be hard but not too hard to cause us to turn away from Him; He won’t allow it because we are His. This is what I am currently experiencing in my life. Leaving the comfort of my beloved family and friends to live overseas is so hard that I end up crying myself to sleep sometimes, but I know for sure that this isn’t too hard for me to turn away from obeying the Lord’s call to join Him in His redemptive plan for the world. Thank You Jesus!
God has His way of working in the hearts and lives of those whom He’s called. Somewhere along the way of growing up and growing more in love with Jesus, God has enlarged my little fleshy heart; there seems to be so much room in there! Although I’m grieving my leave I am ecstatic about meeting new people, and loving them with the Love that God has bestowed onto me. At the end of the day, this grieving season is blessing me with more room to love, to love without fear, like the love of Jesus. Thank You Jesus!