little ship heart

"Grief is like the ocean; it comes in waves, ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim." Vicki Harrison

Growing up along the ocean, water analogies often connect my heart with greater truths about God and life's realities. Here is an original thought piece back from March that is rather unedited, and rediscovered this morning. I couldn't have known those months ago that my heart would need to read this again today. So here I will share it with you, because maybe healing happens when we open our hearts together. 

little ship heart. 

my heart feels like a small boat bobbing in a huge ocean. trying desperately to swim in multiple directions, unable to find peace and stillness, uncertain of what is around me and what I'm doing out here in the deep, unknown waters, and far too worried about imaginary, looming storms. 

but isn't that the point?

i'm the boat, but i'm NOT the captain. have I ever gone far off course? have I ever been eaten by a scary sea monster, or swallowed up in a wild storm? not even close. 

my little boat has seen far more than I could have hoped or planned on my own. I've certainly sailed through unexpected, uncharted waters, (somtimes even sailed through unwanted waters), but never alone. 

my fear has accomplished nothing. my worries do not produce direction or guidance. my feelings of loss and confusion did not lead to the present beauty. 

Lord, you navigate this little ship heart.

you built me. you have searched me and know me.

in you there is stillness and peace and life. 

in you there is direction and light and vision. 

in you I find my life.

so i will keep bobbing along. knowing that even today, you are with me.