It’s been a while since I’ve written a blog. I’m not actually very good at this. I usually have at least three topics running around in my head at any given time, but actually putting them on paper (or the computer) is extremely difficult for me.
In my Bible class with my 11th graders, we are going through the book Emotionally Healthy Spirituality. I love that book. The entire premise is that we need to understand our emotions come from God, we need to know how to handle them maturely, and that emotional and spiritual maturity are linked. I used to think I was fairly good at handling emotions. This past Christmas break has proved me very wrong.
December started out with me being on a high of emotion. My parents were coming to visit, and I could not have been happier. They were scheduled to arrive the 29th, and I was deliriously skipping down the street whenever I thought about their arrival. Plans were made, and I couldn’t wait for them to meet my kids and see where I live.
Flash forward to December 22. I was video chatting with my dad when he told me that my grandmother was in the hospital, and they weren’t sure how long she had. Obviously, I told my parents to cancel their trip, and that I would rather fly up and be with the family. I found plane tickets and flew into IL the very next day.
I spent Christmas Eve at my church. We drove to Ohio on Christmas Day. The rest of December was spent in and out of the hospital visiting my grandmother. She passed away on New Year’s Day.
Losing a family member is hard in and of itself. However, those weren’t the only emotions I was dealing with. Because I left so suddenly, there were multiple things I wanted and needed to do in Mexico that I couldn’t do. My flight back to Mexico wasn’t until the 10th so I needed a substitute for the first three days of classes. Trying to plan my classes remotely, and find subs was a huge amount of stress for me. Plus, I felt guilty for not being ready for my classes. Yuri, another missionary teacher at IME, saved me by finding people to cover my classes.
After I flew back to Mexico, I hit the ground running. I taught the very next day, had my Spanish class, and had something going on that weekend as well. For the first few weeks, I didn’t really have time to just sit back and breathe. So, I was mourning the loss of my grandmother, feeling guilty for having not been in Mexico and planning my classes, feeling guilty because I was no longer with my family, and I was busy, all at the same time.
Thank the Lord that I eventually caught up with work and came to realize that I had no reason to feel guilty in the first place. I gave that false guilt to God, and He took care of it. I have come to realize that the old adage is true: time really does heal all wounds. Over a month has passed now since my grandmother went home to heaven. I feel much better about everything. I’m getting back into the groove of the school. I’ve had really good conversations with my friends and my students. I’ve learned, for now at least, to accept my emotions as they are.