It has been almost 2 weeks since I left home and 10 days since I arrived here. And right from the beginning, there has been challenges as I was trying to adjust to a new home.
Physical Challenges:
For about a week since my departure, I've had a cold, which really didn't play well with the jetleg. My first Monday, I threw up because [I think] of combination of the local food and my attempt at extreme crossfit. It was also very hard to sleep. I would wake up once or twice randomly and struggle to fall back asleep. For some reason, my mind was telling me to sleep, but my body told me otherwise.
Having just moved in with a local host family, I get my own room. Due to extreme weather and thunderstorms this past week, electricity would go out at times and, several times, water would stop running. Water here is not safe to drink, so I have to be careful what I drink/eat. I am figuring out what I should/should not eat. This is not to complain my living situation. If I have to be honest, that was me up until couple days ago as I constantly thought "why does this have to be so hard?" Rather, I have accepted that when I said "yes" to God's invitation, it was going to be a journey of discomfort and persecution.
Emotional Challenges:
For the past weeks, I've had so many emotions cross my mind from doubts to deep passion. The day I left home is when everything finally became real to me that it was time. There was and still is fear inside me when I try to balance everything I have to do. Language learning, learning how to get to places, learning about the culture, and connecting with the team and locals.
Prior to arriving, I expected that my team would be the people I feel connected with right away with great intimacy. However, I am the youngest member on the team. Actually, youngest in any teams here. I just learned that no one in the past has come on the team single at this age and lived with a host family alone. It's very overwhelming at the moment because all I want to do is speak to the locals in their language. When I am in the middle of a conversation, it's frustrating not knowing what is being exchanged. The thing that makes this adjustment most difficult is that I do not feel connected to anyone here. All of our team members are older, married, and non-Asian. The hardest part is not having relationships that I feel intimate and connected with. Because of all the relationships I miss back home, I had an emotional breakdown couple days ago. After I prayed, I felt God was giving me great peace and opening many doors for me to connect with people here. I got introduced to different people, including a Korean community that has shown great hospitality and gracious hands.
Even though I feel emotionally overwhelmed, I know reward is coming in His time.
Spiritual Challenges:
It's true. Very real that spiritual warfare is all around us. And I know that it has got to me mentally. Many times, I feel lonely to an extent where my introverted side overcomes my excitement to be out there. Knowing that this is just the start of my journey, I am finding out that my mind and heart are getting attacked as I distance myself from the community. Times like this, as I prayed and relied to hear God's voice, Psalm 121 & Joshua 1 have been 2 passages He laid on my heart.
I am reminded that He guards me from every evil. "I look up to the mountains; does my strength come from mountains? No, my strength comes from God, who made heaven, and earth, and mountains. He won't let you stumble, your Guardian God won't fall asleep [on me]. Not on your life! Israel's Guardian will never doze or sleep. God's your Guardian, right at your side to protect you-Shielding you from sunstroke, sheltering you from moonstroke. God guards you from every evil, he guards your very life. He guards you when you leave and when you return, he guards you now, he guards you always" (Psalm 121). During this tough transition, I am learning He is constant and once I turn to Him, all my problems are solved, all my questions answered, all my troubles are over. I am learning how to let me soul be at peace with God and genuinely enjoy my relationship with Jesus.
"Only be strong and very courageous, being very careful to do according to all the law that Moses my servant commanded you. Do not turn from it to the right hand or to the left, that you may have good success whereever you go. This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success. Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." God uses this passage to personally remind me that my relationship with Him must be rooted in His everlasting and active Word. That in times of trial and need, I should long to hear His voice through His Word.
Prayer Requests:
- That I remain rooted in His Word and trust in Him as my cornerstone. First and foremost, that I would seek to experience more of Him and deepen my relationship with Him rather than others.
- For God to open more doors with my host family to see & experience His love through The Spirit.