This journey has been more difficult than I expected. What a rough month it’s been... If some of you don't know what I've been up to, I took 10 days off from MPD (Ministry Partnership Development) because my biological mother, who I have not seen in more than 15 years, came from Korea. So, just from that, I feel very behind in terms of MPD. Past 10 days were a mental roller coaster ride. But, the biggest test came with my father on the Sunday (25th) my mother flew back to Korea.
A little context: All my family members are saved. All but my father. It’s been a struggle the past 7 months since I heard from my father that he does not approve on the path I’m going in; I do not have his support or blessing. However, talking with my father last night, he does not want me to pursue this long-term missions and serve abroad. This is the only thing he does not approve of and it put tears down my face as I was listening to how much disappointment and shame he feels when someone asks him, “What is your son doing right now?”
And it’s a whole different story coming from a 1st generation Asian father, who immigrated to America, sacrificing and leaving everything. After 15 years, life only gets harder for him and witnessing this isn’t easy. I know prayers go out to him left and right, but through all the ways my Lord’s been with me, where is He for my dad? I don’t doubt that He’s there, I just question how and when He’s working.
Many people have told me that MPD will most importantly deepen my dependence on Him and I believe that 100%. But, family and friends, to be completely honest with you, I’m struggling to trust God. This is the biggest test for me: Will I have enough faith, dependency, and trust in God to push on through? I pray so. I’d very appreciate your prayers too. Never did I think my biggest test will be this and now.
Ephesians 6:1 - “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this right.”
Exodus 20:12 - “Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you.”
Matthew 10:37-39 – “Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. And whoever does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.”
You see where I’m coming from, right? Where do I draw the line? I'm overwhelmingly conflicted between my earthly father and Heavenly Father.
Lord, hear my prayers and answer me. Give me Your wisdom, Your heart, Your eyes, so that Your peace and clarity will come over me.