Today I’m writing about something I rarely share. I’m not opposed to talking about it, but I never discuss these things on a public platform because of potential misunderstanding. So here is your disclaimer: please don’t think anything I am about to say is communicated in pride. Humbly I come in hopes of both encouraging you and showing a bit of my private faith.
Last month, my cell group began studying Matthew 5-7, known as the Sermon on the Mount. We began with the Beatitudes, reflecting upon something we’d like to see expanded in our lives and praying for God to bless it with growth. I desired to deepen my awareness and response to brokenness in the world. Before I knew it, I asked my evening’s prayer partner to join me in asking for the holy mourning mentioned in 5:4. I asked to be blessed as one who mourns for sin and its effects in the lives, society, and world around me. Inspired, I prayed that for weeks.
God answered.
Slowly, I began noticing a heavier burden to pray, a stronger sensibility to suffering, and a sharpened awareness of spiritual darkness. The process began with me seeking new information and better ways to pray for the world (http://prayercast.com/nations.html). There are habits that I long wanted to form, such as spending an extra hour in prayer in the evening instead of reading. Once I began praying for “holy mourning,” I found it nearly impossible to do otherwise. Even when there was nothing in my or my loved one’s lives, I craved that sanctified time with God praying for provision, against injustice, and for spiritual revival. One of the most beautiful things is that I experience great joy in this, being comforted in my mourning just as Christ promises.
Soon, the prayer requests and needs for special intercession began flooding in. I marveled at the way I could feel so mournful for troubles that were not my own. A strange sensation in spiritual empathy burned within me. Unable to sleep and learning evermore about “praying without ceasing,” I could not function without lengthy prayer sessions. I remembered to ask for comfort in this holy mourning, but requested that the burden remain until I had done my duty in prayer. One of the other beautiful aspects is that God multiplies my energy, despite reduced sleep and spare time, to help me do all things well. The Lord is faithful to give me something to mourn, to give me comfort in prayer, and to provide for my needs in that process.
I’m still learning what this will look like in the long-term. Perhaps there will be busier, weightier seasons like this one interspersed throughout my years. Perhaps this is a new blessing meant to continue growing. Regardless, I am astonished and grateful to see the impact of a sincere request for holiness and growth. My request to you all is that you pray for me in this battle. Let’s continue asking this beatitude over my life. Also, please pray for my neck and back, as I feel some pain from my time kneeling. So, join me in stretching your prayer life, in asking for a special new way to mature in faith, and in working for the Kingdom of heaven, on earth.