I am a child of God: the Most High, the King of kings, my Savior, my Rock. He loves me with a passionate and jealous love and He has created me for my exact purpose. He has sculpted me to do His will. He seeks me and refines me. Yes, the Great Almighty God is my Father and he values me. He looks at me and what is sees is good and important and beautiful.
I know these truths. I hold these truths. But sometimes when I think of my value, I let these truths take a backseat to what I feel like other’s are saying or thinking. Why is this approval from others so important to me if I am loved my the Great I Am?! Why do I feel like I need to prove myself if I am justified by His blood? Why does it cut me so deeply when I feel disregard or unimportant when I know how tenderly I am held by my Father?
I have a horrid sickness of seeking approval from others. I want to impress people and be seen as valuable. I want them to need me and want me and celebrate me. And when I seek this, the truths I hold about God get cloudy and my heart doesn't register them. I hold all the truths and they just swirl around in my brain, but when I am low and feel trampled on, when I need to rest in those truths the most, there is a block between my brain and my heart and these things just don’t register.
The best therapy is just to sit in those truths, but it is so hard not to be caught in other’s disapproval or frustration of me. It’s so hard not to abandon where He is sending me just to sit in the mold people want me to sit in. Even when my heart wants to give in, my mind wont let me. Until my heart remembers, I will continue to sit and rest and focus on truth.
I am a daughter of the King. I have been created for this. I am strong and obedient to none but Him and I will not be shaken.