Accepting that he takes things away.
This month, God gave me some cool gifts; this week, he took them away.
We had been renting an apartment with hardly any sun and a very dirty kitchen. Our landlord hadn't been communicating well with our roommates and had threatened to kick them out. So, we decided to start looking for better apartments. And God blessed us with the perfect apartment! It had a balcony, a kitchen as large as my room growing up, it was extremely affordable to split between 4 people, it was a perfect distance mosques (far enough that the call to prayer doesn't wake you up at 4am) and it had an elevator! Of course, all good things must come to an end. One week into living in the new flat our water went out for the whole building. Our elevator keys were never made (9th floor) and we stopped seeing our roommates. My american roommate and I had suspicions that our local roommates were up to something. They stopped cleaning up after themselves, they never unpacked, they stopped trying to talk with us and they pushed us, used us and became more aggressive towards us and more unapologetic.
Three weeks after moving into the new house, my roommate came up to me out of the blue and said, “I need you to pray for me and M(the other local). We are going to sign papers for a new place tomorrow and we are moving out.” I quickly found out that my roommates were not going to admit that they had been secretly looking for a new place without telling us. I felt so disrespected and soon realized they were not going to say they were sorry, because they didn’t feel like they were in the wrong. There was no responsibility taken for their actions or how they effected us. And somehow I was supposed to be loving?! Somehow I was supposed to show them Jesus’ heart?! I had to deliberately choose to love them anyways. My co-intern and I decided to stay in the place and make the best of our situation. Although money would be tight, we could make it work. God had a different plan.
We found 1st, we were told by our landlord that he wouldn't rent to American’s alone. Since our roommates were on the lease, so we officially had no claim over staying in the house. We were also told we had to get out of the house ASAP. Since our roommates didn’t give any notice to the landlord, they were in breach on contract and will not get our security deposit back. They were not going to accept that they were the reason we were kicked out of the apartment by the owner or lost our deposit. On the 3rd we were completely moved out and into our leaders house. Not only did we all get moved out, but God also gave me peace and closure.
I realized that God has been working in my heart to protect me against things like this. He has been inviting me to soften my heart and be loving in the midst of trial and being wronged. He has been inviting me into showing His heart and drawing on His strength to do that. And this was Him calling me into deeper growth in trust in Him as provider.
I trust in the Lord to find me a house. I trust in the Lord with my relationships here. I trust in the Lord that he values me and I trust in the Lord that He will lead me into relationships where my friends respect who I am.
I trust in the Lord to protect my heart as I open it up to love.