Trampled. Exhausted. Attacked.
That is how I felt this last week. Unexpected tragedy hit very close to home last wednesday when my friend's father was killed in the line of duty. The week continued to turn as drama surrounded that community and my different friends encountered 3 more very untimely or traumatic deaths in their communities as well.
I felt incredibly attacked spiritually. My biggest fear that I have been trying to work through with moving out of the country for two years is that fact that I will not be here when crisis strikes. If someone close to me is face to face with struggles (if it is death or other tragedy) I will not be here. I will not be able to be that shoulder for my friends or my family. That is my biggest fear. I felt like the Devil was just probing me all week.
I worked hard to keep my eyes on Christ, but I felt exhausted and tired by the battles. After going through a very publicized day of the funeral, burial and reception, I got home yesterday and quickly decided I didnt have any energy for following up with potential donors or sending out thank you letters. I decided it would be best to rest.
Expecting an unproductive night of reflection and journaling, I was surprised that God had a more supreme plan.
I received a text committing to support me monthly, then another, then a call and then three more texts from people I haven't even asked to be on my support team yet. With all of that support, I was boosted to 100% of my monthly committment goal. I was overwhelmed and laughing with joy and surpise. This happened within 2 hours. This happened after I had decided that I was too tired, after I decided to rest in Him.
This summer I have found that when I take it upon myself and myself only to gather support and establish partnerships, I do really poorly. Yes, I end up making a lot of appointments, but they almost always fall through or don't work out. However, whenever I sit back and realize that this is God's plan and it is His power, I see an incredible and overwhelming amount of support and truly receive His grace.
I have had the chance to see that it really is just God's work and he is allowing me to be a part of it. It will never be my power or strength, but instead when I sit and watch, I get to see the strongest being in the universe hold me tightly in His hand and welcome me into His work.
I still have a ways to go with fundraising, but I have learned to sit back, rest and pray for divine partnerships and expect God to work.