This week I came to a brutal realization: my job is to socialize.
Now, having grown up in a society that values an outgoing and open temperament, I’ve always known that I couldn’t meet the standards expected of growing Millennial children. From my very first years in school, I was chastised for the misfortune of my quiet disposition. As the years went by, I never grew out of the blight of my seemingly distant spirit, nor my apparent shyness of demeanor.
The thing about growing up as this little girl is that the teachers never ceased trying to change the nature of my nature. You should participate more, Hadley; why don’t you raise your hand more in class; you really should speak up more, I know you know the answer. Instead of eagerly introducing myself to my classmates on the first day of a new quarter, I sat at my desk and pulled out the latest book I was reading. Instead of talking with my new teammates before practice started, I tied my shoes tighter, and took repeated sips of water. Instead of putting together a group for the homecoming dance, I only went if someone really pushed me to come along to the night full of socializing.
Being rather introverted, and quite reserved upon first acquaintance, many times people assumed I was cold, shy, distant, unengaged, not willing to participate, or worst of all, uninterested.
But, my dear introverts, we are anything but.
Now, not to presume that everyone who is reserved is introverted, and everyone who is outgoing is extraverted (for I despise that overzealous and unfortunate generalization), I, being thoroughly reserved, am most strongly introverted as well. So I myself meet this criteria. Aware of this, I did not come into this position of sharing the Word of God for a living naively: I knew what I was getting myself into.
The thing I did not recognize before I came here, to the Middle East, was just how sensitive I am to comments about the incredible struggle it is for me to make small talk, my lack of ability to think on my feet without prior preparation, and the extraordinary speed at which I fatigue from chatting with strangers. I knew before I came here that all of these things were true about me. And you also, my dear introverts, are likely quite abundantly aware of these things in yourself as well. These are things about ourselves that, although we may not like them much, are parts of ourselves that are nearly impossible to alter. And it hurts to have that pointed out over and over again, especially by people we are not sufficiently comfortable or familiar with.
But, despite all you’ve been told throughout your life, that doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. In fact, it gives you an incredible advantage. For, my dear introverts, God’s power is made perfect in weakness. And we have quite a conspicuous weakness.
As an introvert in the field, I want to encourage you, my fellow introverts, to continue to pursue this opportunity God has placed in front of you. Even though it may not be the job description you would initially be drawn to. Or maybe you’re drawn to it for other reasons (although I assure you, your limits for polite conversation will be stretched quite unlike they’ve ever been stretched before). You can still do this. I’ve learned, thus far, to make the most of my quiet down time. I have to. Especially because each and every mundane responsibility takes twice as much energy abroad as it does at home. You don’t know the language, you don’t know the culture, and on top of it all, you don’t know the person you’re talking to. But I’m learning, slowly, that I cannot just accept that my limited introverted energy tank is an excuse not to engage.
Instead of living with this limited supply of social energy every day, and anxiously, selfishly, and fearfully preserving it as much as I can, if I let God shine his light into my inner world, and I let him hold my introverted energy tank, I’ve found that I have a lot more energy for each day than I otherwise would. Even compared to what I would have at home, in the comforts of my own culture.
So, my dear introverts, please, do consider this line of work, if this is something God is calling you to. Whether he’s calling you abroad for a season, to grow you and strengthen you, or if he’s calling you abroad for many years, or even a lifetime, consider it. Yes, part of my job is to socialize. But another part of my job is to pray. And to read scripture. And to write blog posts. And, perhaps most of all, my job is to shine the light of Christ wherever I go, whether I do it with words or without.