It began with ripped pants and ended with four keys…like most things in my life (just kidding).
It began in my college years- I was newly refreshed in Christ, ready to tackle any challenge ahead of me, and waiting for a word from the Lord to just GOOOOO out and serve outside of my city! But in the midst of that waiting, I was dreaming a lot.
I had a pair of pants during this time that was my absolute favorite. I found these jeans at Ross for very cheap because they were unwashed and still soft. They had torn apart at the seams quickly, ripped to shreds by my love of them. I had a friend in my piano studio class who was very smart at sewing, and he offered to sew them up for me when he saw their condition, free of charge. I protested, but he insisted, so he stitched them up with some musically-themed fabric that I had given him to use. They were beautiful. In honor of their rededication, and my place in my spiritual life at the time, I decided to write my dreams and desires in life all over them, to express myself and my wishes to the Lord (and the world at large). They listed all of the things that I wanted to do in my lifetime…speak at a major conference, visit all the countries in the world my Dad hadn’t, etc.
One was very clear in my mind: live homeless for a month. I wrote it and highlighted in on the thigh of the pant, in thick black Sharpie, and it was easily seen as I wore them. My friends would exclaim, “That’s absolutely insane. Why do you want that in your life?” And I would tell them, “I want to experience what the people I see in my city experience on a deeper and more meaningful level.”
In one fell swoop, prophetically as it were, I have experienced that in the strangest place…here in North Africa.
Housing in this country for unmarried women is a never ending struggle, in my experience. It is an absolute circus organizing housing, negotiating price, finding the right people to live with, making sure the neighborhood is acceptable…at this point in my journey, I have moved five times just in this year. Many women who are not living with families experience the same in this country.
I thought that I had found the most perfect place before I was to travel in August- in a nice area with a sweet roommate, and a lovely time to just be able to sit and be free from the hassles of North African life and find rest and easily accessible Dunkin Donuts. So, I set up the time and told the friend that I would reconnect after my trip…still not feeling the peace that I needed, but armed with the promise that God would provide a safe place for me to be. After coming back from the trip, I was tired and ready to settle someplace, anyplace with a room where I could fall apart and process what had happened during my trip. But, when I took my first round of things to the house where I had set up to be, my soul ripped apart.
After for so long feeling that something wasn’t quite right, I realized with the key in my hand and the contract ready to sign that this house wasn’t the place that God had set aside for me as a safe place.
And I felt all of the emotions possible in a large wave- what do you mean this wasn’t right? That this wasn’t it? Why didn’t you tell me?
Fast-forward a week later, through lots of crying, lots of conversations, and a short trip to a nearby retreat center, I moved all of my things out and began my marathon couch-surfing journey.
This past week has been one of the most stressful in my time here, and I have been through a lot. However, God has been teaching me something very pointed and very specific during this time.
While at the retreat center, I found a quiet spot to read while I was there, and the verse that came up was John 14:23…”If anyone loves me, He will keep my word, and my Father will love him, and we will come and make our home with him.” God desires my safety to rest in him because he has safety and a home waiting for me more than a flat with a good lock could ever provide.
The biggest thing that I’ve learned in this experience is that even in the midst of not having a home yet, God is my refuge, and my rock, and always available to me to come to Him in any possible location, at any time. Even when disaster strikes, He steps in and will always save the day, even if I can’t see it right away. Though I am still in the middle of this situation, He is still present, through the friends that feed me and give me shelter, to the people who comfort me in the midst of the waiting, and through Himself, leading me on a path of healing and green pastures. And He has that for his children, that there should be no fear in the face of disaster, for He has conquered all for us as His children. So, I sit with four keys from four households in my lap and a place to move in to, amazed at the abundant generosity of my friends who are like Jesus. His steadfastness is present to me just as Psalm 62, “He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress; I shall not be greatly shaken (v2).”