Fasting has never been an attractive topic for me. When I was in high school, I didn’t eat much. Because of some issues with self-esteem and control, I wanted desperately to lose weight, and so I made a decision to control my eating habits as much as I was able to. When I fully gave myself to Christ in college, I began to treat my body well, and now I am in a place today where I am content with who I am created to be and LOVE food as a celebration of life and time of community together. I walk as a testimony of God’s healing in that area of my life!
So, I initially came to the topic of fasting as a part of the Christian faith in college with a bit of trepidation. Because of my experiences, I was always scared to enter into that world again; to this world of control and extremism in approaching food. The first time that I chose to fast again was in college, where we did a Daniel fast as a group of friends for an event we were hosting. We only ate natural foods, and then broke the fast together at the dorm cafeteria, which was a truly beautiful time. But still, that fear of going back to a dark place of control reared its ugly head, and I often counted the hours of when I could eat again.
Fast forward to now. Oddly enough, my team here has been super into fasting. Which I rolled my eyes at then, but am now hungry for. Let me explain.
Our team is a recent creation- a family joined by several twenty-somethings from all over the world. Since I have gotten here, we have talked about doing team fasting. I was nervous about this because I didn’t want what I left behind in the States to follow me here. So, I opened up about it. I told everyone that I wanted to try, but I was a novice in the area, and in need of grace.
I tried fasting during Ramadan alongside my friends. It was the first time that I have ever felt convicted about fasting, and so I tried it, fasting like the Muslim people here, but doing it in the name of Jesus. It started out amazing, but then it changed. It ended exactly as I feared- a product of control. I felt that I was convicted to fast in the beginning, but not near the end. It turned into a task and not a joy.
Several months later, we decided to fast as a group. And it was magical. Fasting as a large group turned out to be a huge joy. We sat together, and even in the midst of monstrous groans from our stomachs, we experienced community and movement from the Holy Spirit in each of us. Even as we were commissioned, we tangibly loved each other through a great time of encouragement.
My team then decided to host a retreat where we fasted as a group together, but one in which we did not eat for 40 hours (we could drink water or do the fast however we felt convicted to). I was terrified, but felt convicted as I did during Ramadan to try so I did it! We began the weekend watching some videos about fasting together, and one thing stood out clear in my mind…that fasting is a true joy to me now. The hunger does not matter anymore; the intimacy and joy in physically being able to feel the God of the universe stand and advocate for me and through me stands far above that. Fasting isn’t something that forces God to be with me, but rather something that draws me to closer awareness of Him. Fasting is not sitting in hunger and mourning that loss, but it is something that is released to God. God does miraculous things through fasting; not as a magic trick or a step-by-step process, but by revealing himself in a clearer light to His people. This year, I feel that as the Father convicts me to fast, I can do that now. The seduction of an empty belly is still present, but as is my conviction to treat myself as a daughter of the king. Weaning myself back onto a food after a fast is a discipline, but is now also a joy and delight.
So all that to say, in light of my hunger to know God in a deeper and more intimate way, He has drawn himself closer to me with my belly empty. God uses fasting to pull me closer to him, and that intimacy is felt tangibly in fasting. It has been a joy to discover that God desires to be close to me, and offers many different ways of communication with Him.