Several weeks ago, I attended a training session on coaching given by one of the leaders of the Europe Division of ReachGlobal. Coaching is broadly defined as “helping an individual or group to use their God-given potential in order to achieve the goals they set for themselves and to become the people they want to be.” Perhaps the most important aspect of coaching is listening. Listening well and asking good questions based on what you hear shows: a) you care about the person who is speaking to you; b) what they are saying is important to you; c) you are actively engaging with it and thinking about it. One of the greatest gifts you can give to someone is to listen well to them. Listening well and being slow to speak is an act of service, and is an example of putting others above yourself (Philippians 2:3-11). During this training, I realized how poor of a listener I had become.
Somewhere along the way, I had decided that it was more important to share what my thoughts were rather than actively listen. If we were talking about a topic that was related to something I had been thinking about previously, even if the connection was weak, I couldn’t wait to jump in and make my thought known. Or even if I hadn’t thought about it previously, as soon as someone would start telling me about something, I would either decide that I knew where they were going and start forming what I would say, or I would guide them along to what I wanted to talk about so I could share more of my thoughts. It became all about me, and I stopped truly listening to the person. I’m not saying this happened in every conversation I was apart of, but it happened quite often.
In Philippians 2, Paul is telling the Philippians to put others above themselves, specifically their brothers and sisters in Christ, and “not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.” What a beautiful picture! Think about it: if everyone did this, then everyone would be taken care of. There would be no winners or losers in the kingdom of God, everyone would be lifted up. But I think this extends to all of humanity. We should be actively making ourselves nothing and putting all people around us above ourselves.
Here in Berlin, I spend time with all kinds of people: children, prostitutes, Germans, Internationals, atheists, Muslims, Christians, intellectuals, businesspeople, and many others. They all have their different needs, and there are a number of different ways I can serve them well. But one thing they all need is for people they can trust to truly listen to them and respond well to what they are saying, no matter what it is. If I can put myself to the side and do this for them, I think they might be able to catch a glimpse of Jesus “Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death— even death on a cross!” –Philippians 2: 6-8
I have been finding that I have to choose daily to put myself aside and listen well. Even after having this realization, I am often still tempted to jump in to what someone is saying and inject my own thoughts or share my own thing. Sharing myself is of course important, but knowing when and how and why is key. My prayer is that I would have the wisdom guided by love to know when to listen, and when to speak. I have been getting better at this the past couple weeks, but it is an ongoing process. Please be praying for this, and for any other ways that I might need to make myself less in order to make others more.
God’s Blessings,
Robby