This is a poem that I began a few days before I left for Berlin, and just finished this past Wednesday in the middle of my orientation. I wonder if that progression can be seen or not. Anyway, I think it is a pretty good encapsulation of my feelings as I begin my ministry assignment in Berlin.
Into the Wild Blue Yonder
Is a phrase that I borrowed from a song
About the U.S. Air Force which has very little to do
With my present circumstances but which fits
Sort of like an edge piece of a 1,000 piece
Safari puzzle that also happens to work
as an edge piece of a 1,000 piece puzzle about
Birds of North America.
You see, I am entering a Yonder that may be neither
Wild nor blue but there is most certainly an
Into and possibly a The as well. How Into I can go
Remains to be seen but unlike the Air Force it won’t
be with thunder and flame and bombers galore but with
Hope and excitement and expected but respected
Displacement. Or so I say to others. And so I say
To myself.
But really, I don’t know how I will feel. Or how I will act.
Or who I will be, once I step off that plane. I want
to be happy. I want to be excited. I want to be energetic.
I want to be understanding. I want to give. I want to receive.
I want to see. I want to hear. I want to feel.
I want to be there. I want to Be.
But I know my baser instincts.
So often I prefer to be accepted and I hide
Under the blanket known as tolerance that
In my mind others have draped over me.
I forget or put aside all those things I want to
Be or do in favor of what gets me through the day because it is
Easy. There is no risk involved. No straining on my part.
No one to reject me for who I am or who I want to be.
I would like to say that this time will be different. I would
Like to say that I will no longer keep myself going on little
Morsels of meaning and purpose and that every day
Will now be filled with hard work and care for others.
I have gone through this cycle before. In some ways it feels like
Putting a dirty plate through the dish washer over and over in the
Hope that this time it will finally become clean. I don’t know
If this time will be different. All I can do is fly straight
Into the Wild Blue Yonder.