I’ve known the Andrew Brown Band most of my life. I’m even related to the drummer. They put out their album “A Beautiful Exhaustion” shortly after they made a journey to a village in Kenya for the first time. I kept up with news from that trip because many of my friends made the choice to go. The theme of the trip came to be “the Beautiful Exhaustion” meaning the exhaustion at the end of each day was satisfying because it was in the name of ministry of the Gospel. Or at least that’s how I interpreted it. Now that I live in Sub-Saharan Africa full-time, I realize that was a huge exaggeration on my part in my mind. Sometimes the exhaustion that comes from ministry isn’t beautiful. A lot of times it’s a raw, open wound on your heart after you see people hurting but refusing to open their eyes and ears to the truth. I came to live here expecting a “beautiful exhaustion” every night. A satisfaction that I was pleasing God with my efforts and would be rewarded with sweet rest each night. That wasn’t the case. I work on a ward where I watch patients suffer, sometimes in silence, sometimes in cries of agony. I don’t have the words to offer much comfort and even if I did, I don’t know them in the local language. I have cultural conflicts with team members, deal with scorching heat, cold showers and ants everywhere and in everything and lose sleep lots of nights thinking of what I have encountered that day.
But every morning, I wake up, wash my face, brush my teeth, and have a cup of coffee with God. I thank Him that every day is new and His mercies are renewed with the early morning sunrise. I haven’t experienced a “beautiful exhaustion” since I arrived here 8 months ago. What I have experienced is a “beautiful restoration” of my spirit when I sit with God for even a few minutes each morning. Yes, I still hurt for my patients and have misunderstandings with teammates but I rejoice that each day, God is going to do something in my life. Sometimes hurts pile up one after another, but that causes me to run to Him for comfort. Other times I have reasons to rejoice and walk around with a smile on my face, that’s when I give God glory and praise for who He is becoming in my life.