I knew when I made this two year commitment that I should expect the unexpected...if that's even possible. And after not even four months of being here,so much has been shaken up in my life. This isn't bad; it's actually a really good thing. But it's challenging. I chose to write about this for today because I want to make an effort to not distract myself from the difficulty of facing what is happening.
Here's a list of thought topics I've had lately:
exclusivity of the kingdom of God?
standards of God
grace and mercy
person first language
Subconsciously (maybe even superficial) caring, or sometimes a lack of examination/awareness in these areas has been concerning me lately. All of which are difficult to form an opinion on..especially with someone who can be very strong minded...slash...stubborn. But when these kinds of topics are brought to the surface of who I am or what I believe, (as they are now), they are not able to be ignored. Sometimes I choose, even prefer, ignorance...or not ignorance..so much as just the act of ignoring. Because honestly it wears a person out! There's enough going on already, that thinking deeply about the above topics and how they affect my life just seems like something that should be set aside for a more convenient time. However, I've always tried to be open to God doing new, unexpected, radical things...especially in me. So I've been trying not to toss my thoughts aside. I've been trying to slowly process things, while hoping that this will help me to continue welcoming God in my life as he teaches me new ideas.
Here's a prayer (Psalm 27)......
Hear me O Lord
for I am poor and needy
for I am devoted to You
Have mercy on me, O Lord
bring joy to your servant
for to you O Lord I lift up my soul
Your are forgiving and good, abounding in love to all
there is none like you O Lord
All the nations you have made will come and worship before you
they will bring glory to your name
you alone are God
teach me your way and give me and undivided heart
that I may fear your name
I will praise you O Lord my God
I will glorify your name forever
For great is your love toward me