"People who have not been in Narnia sometimes think that a thing cannot be good and terrible at the same time. If the children had ever thought so, they were cured of it now. For when they tried to look at Aslan’s face they just caught a glimpse of the golden mane and the great, royal, solemn, overwhelming eyes; and then they found they couldn’t look at him and went all trembly." (C. S. Lewis, The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe)
God has been patient to teach me (as many times as I need--which seems to be many) to fear Him above anything else. He is a God worth fearing, one that leaves me "all trembly." One way He has helped me with this is an exercise that my GoCorps coach led us through in preparation for moving overseas. We took things that we are afraid of and replaced them with what is worth fearing more, like this: "I am afraid of moving overseas...but I am more afraid of living my life here without ever considering that God might have something better."
Right now, I am preparing to move overseas, and the biggest fear I am facing is anticipating being a woman in the Middle East. I am afraid of feeling small and unseen, powerless and limited. I'm afraid for my own mind and heart to be healthy in such different circumstances than I am used to. But recently, God has encouraged me out of Hebrews 11.
First, the description of Moses' faith caught my eye, and the Holy Spirit prompted me to identify his situation with mine: "By faith Moses...chose to be mistreated along with the people of God rather than to enjoy the fleeting pleasures of sin" (Heb. 11:24). I don't know exactly what I will face in adjusting to the Middle East, but I can imagine that I will feel mistreated. But by faith Moses chose mistreatment with God's chosen people, so can't I choose to risk being mistreated with the women God is calling to Himself in the Middle East? The author of Hebrews goes on to say that Moses was seeking an eternal reward rather than earthly comfort. I long to do the same.
But how can I possibly do that? My fear of the unknown, of mistreatment, and for my own health is very real--how can I endure and choose this anyway? Moses is a great model, but the author of Hebrews has a much greater example and exhortation: "run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith" (Heb. 12:1-2). Jesus, God Himself, chose to live as a humble Middle Eastern man, giving up the true comfort of Heaven itself. He chose to be identified with prostitutes, a Samaritan woman, a bleeding woman, and many others, even if that meant scorn and judgment. He chose to be mistreated on a sinner's cross, facing curses and shame. Why? For the "joy set before Him"--the joy of having the eternal reward of His people with Him in Heaven forever.
Fixing my eyes on Jesus--Good, and Terrible--helps me to say that yes, I am afraid of being a woman in the Middle East. But I am more afraid of missing the chance for God to use the very difficulties I face to allow me to identify with countless women who face the hopelessness and fear of a life without knowing the one who faced much more so that He could call them home.