Happy New Year! This year has been a refreshing reset for me. I feel more at ease, am enjoying Arabic more than ever, and feel excited about the future. (Of course life is also mixed with stress, fears, and new challenges.) My highlight of the year so far has been getting coffee with my friend M (who is also teaching me Arabic). I was able to speak in Arabic the whole 3 hours as we talked about mental health, God’s will, culture vs religion, and doubts. I even got to share about one of my favorite books, Hosea (or hooshi’ هوشع).
After feeling intense inner guilt and pressure to appear “together” or do ministry the “right way,” I decided to instead be vulnerable, real, and seek connection this year. At a cafe, M asked, “How do you feel about your life in [country]?” So I told her the truth. It has been hard. I’ve felt depressed, angry at God, and lonely at different times, but I’ve also learned so much about myself and God by having my life ripped apart. We talked about how easily people confuse cultural and religious beliefs, which gave me a chance to talk about Jesus’ words in Matthew 9 from Hosea 6: “I desire mercy not sacrifice.” What a gift to have that conversation because I said “I’m having a hard time.” I’m seeing new meaning in this verse:
“Each time he said, ‘My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.’
So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.”
2 Corinthians 12:9