I've always desired adventure, excitement, change, grandiosity. Early on, I told myself, "I don't ever want to look back and say I didn't do something solely out of fear." One of my biggest fears is looking back on everything at the end of my life and feeling like I settled, saught comfortability, hid in fear. So 2 years before graduating college, I started questioning what I wanted to do. I studied psychology and business and felt like all the career paths my peers were taking didn't appeal to me. I thought, "Am I suppose to want this? Do I just have to pick a job and hope it's bearable?" During that time, I kept having little nudges towards ministry and the idea of doing vocational ministry sounded exciting. I briefly thought, "being a missionary would be cool," but quickly quieted that desire by telling myself it would never happen. I had no experience, I wasn't a "good enough" Christian, there's no way it could happen. That was a dream for waaaay down the line.
Just a few months later, the college ministry I was a part of did a bible study about the nations, and in the final sections about going, I was struck by a statement that essentially said, "Why do we assume the answer is No until we're given a Yes? What if we assumed the answer was Yes until God said No?" Through countless prayer, conversations, that Bible study, and a summer program I felt like I was being led toward and prepared for missions, but I still had 2 years of school, so I decided to pray when I thought about it, learn what I can about missions, and wait for a No.
Fast forward to a year before graduation. I was 22. I had just broken up with a serious boyfriend, completely shifting what I thought the next chapter of my life might look like... and as I sat on my roof wondering what the purpose of it all was, I pulled up the GoCorps website and started looking at placements. (About 7 months prior, one of my best friends told me about this organization that connected people with 2 year placements overseas, she was going to apply, and I should look into it. I had looked a few times out of curiousity, but never seriously.) Despite the sadness and uncertainty, I was excited and hopeful and started asking God if that was what he had planned for me.
Fast forward again to last August, entering my fifth and final year of college. After months of asking, I hadn't heard a No from God, so I made the decision to say Yes, to open the door until he close it - and he did not close it. So here I am! I'm about 8 weeks away from leaving (hopefully) and am expectant, hopeful, terrified, and excited about what God will do and where he's leading me.