Nearing the end of my last first semester of college, it was about time that I decided what I would be doing after graduation. I weighed my options: pursue missions without any real direction, settle down for the next 2 years, continue to be a young working adult, and make a little money before going overseas. I began telling everyone including my parents that after graduation I wanted to stay and dig deeper roots in my church and work for a couple of years before I sought out an opportunity to go. At first, this was an easy decision, I loved where I had been for all of college and I didn't need to rush into going overseas. I had always had this expectation that God was going to give me a crazy clear vision of exactly what I was called to do. Like Paul, I was going to dream of a person from a people group saying "we need the gospel in _____." What happened instead of that was a deep uneasiness in my soul that I couldn't really explain, I was telling everyone I was going to be staying but then I felt like something big was just on the horizon but I couldn't see what it was.
This uncertainty followed me for a few weeks before one Sunday I went to say hi to a good friend and prayer warrior at our church. She asked if she could pray for me and of course, I obliged. She touched my shoulder and after a few seconds she said "I think that the Lord is putting an itching on you to go and that He is going to fulfill it soon." I was stunned, she had exposed what I had been feeling but repressing for weeks, could it really be time to go? Already? I started to take this conviction seriously and began to inquire from the Lord what was next for me. Nothing. Once again I thought that I was going to now have that moment where it was clear where to go but I didn't really have any clear answer.
A few days later, in class, I was not paying attention and thinking more about what my friend had said and I was almost frustrated and threw up a little prayer. "God if you really want me to go I just want you to make it so clear that I cannot doubt it." That was it. I picked up my bag and walked to my next class. When I got there we had a guest speaker, which never happened, and he was with an organization called GoCorps. He told us about how you can get to choose a field and/or region and serve for 2 years. I was like wow that's a pretty crazy coincidence, probably not for me, but I put my email down anyways.
I received an email the next day and for about 3 weeks until I finally replied and agreed to do a zoom call. Over the almost 3 hour call, I offered an extensive array of questions to make sure that everything was legit. She explained more about the organization and it did sound pretty great, but I still was unsure.
Now folks, we get to the part of the story where I drew my title from. At this moment I had another decision to make: apply and actually consider pursuing GoCorps or trust that something different would come. God works in mysterious ways and speaks to people in different ways. I am reminded of the story of Jesus feeding the 5000, and when there were thousands of hungry people he knew they needed to be fed. Where did Jesus get the food for the people? A young boy's lunch. Now say the boy was like me as a child, selfish or just hungry himself. I don't know why 5000 people forget to bring lunch except for a child and I don't know why the disciples chose a child to take his lunch. Regardless, this boy faced a small decision to say yes, and trust that Jesus would provide but have to lose his lunch or say no. If the boy said no and kept his food for himself then I am sure that there would have been someone else with food and Jesus would have still performed his miracle with a different meal. What I think is so beautiful about this story is that the small yes of giving up a single meal meant that over 5000 stomachs would be full. 5000 stomachs filled because one little boy decided to trust in Jesus and say a simple yes. Just like can take a few fish and loaves to feed thousands, Jesus can use your small yes right now to feed, clothe, and begin a relationship with thousands of people. Your simple, small, yes could be the one that feeds the nations, are you going to trust him with it?
So I said yes, and it wasn't easy at first, but I was trusting that the Lord was going to use me wherever he led me. I would eventually receive more confirmation a few months later, but there was something so sweet in deciding to obey that calling, even if I wasn't sure what the outcome would be. This doesn't mean it becomes easy, I still struggle with the reality of going, but I trust that my God will come through for me and use me in some way to feed nations.