If you told me a year ago that I was moving overseas to work with refugees for two years, I would have strongly doubted you. I thought I would be planning a wedding by now. How did so much change in only one year? I can sum it up by saying it is the Holy Spirit and God's unconditional love that got me here, but why should I say that when I can show you God's glory in my life?
I grew up in an amazing Christian community. My whole family went to the same church and kept me accountable but I developed this "holier than thou" mindset without realizing it. I was super involved in the church and youthgroup. From the time I was in 6th grade until I graduated high school I went on a mission trip every year (sometimes twice!). I went to places like Puerto Rico, Alaska, Taiwan, and Detroit. I quickly learned that I loved the idea of the church coming together to support one another for the Kingdom of God. I also knew that you didn't have to leave your home to serve Him. The mission field can be your own backyard. Although I grew up in a Christian atmosphere, I didn't have a relationship with God until my senior year of High School. That year I created goals for myself and one of them was that every time I was alone in the car, I had to pray. I realized shortly after that I was alone in the car quite frequently and I had no idea how to pray to God. It was so incredibly awkward. But, by the grace of God I kept up with it. The awkward long car rides became my favorite parts of the day. I was taking the long route everywhere or even just going for long drives by myself. The verses John 10:4 and 14 became my reality. I knew the Lord's voice. A little background, I've always struggled with the concept of love. The enemy told me that I was unlovable, unworthy, a burden (etc) and I believed it. As I talked with God, He slowly revealed to me how deeply He loved me. It wasn't until February 14th (ironically) where I was fully met with God's immense, unconditional love for us. I remember falling to my knees and deciding there was no going back. He is my God. After this God called me to GVSU. I was set on going to a Christian college but had GVSU as a back-up option. As I driving down the road to GV the Lord said "this is your home, follow Me." I immediately looked over to my dad and told him that I had to drop everything else. Then God called me to my major and minor (International Relations and Human Rights). In these classes God revealed the beauty of diversity in the Church, how deeply His heart broke for those hurting, and that there is no hope without Jesus Christ. God later opened the door for me to work with refugees (teenage males to be exact). I became so passionate about the refugee crisis and the opportunity we have to show the love of God to a people without a state or who were stipped of their status of being image bearers of God (dehumanized).
At this point, I loved everything about my life. I loved my job, my community, my classes, and I had a long-term boyfriend who was talking with me about marriage. I grew very comfortable in it all. Yet, many are the plans of man but it is the will of the Lord that shall prevail. About a year and a half into dating, I was debating breaking up with my boyfriend, not because I didn't love him, but I was fully convinced that I was a burden to love and the most loving thing I could do was to take myself off his plate. However, God told me no. He said that He wanted me to unconditionally love my boyfriend through this season. I said "of course, but what happens if in a few months he realizes he doesn't want to be with me and breaks up with me. I will be devastated." God replied "You'll never regret showing the love of Christ to someone." In my head, I assumed that this was going to go exactly the way I wanted to, but sure enough a few months later he broke up with me. I grieved and lamented more than I care to admit. Now the pain I experienced after the break up has nothing to do with my ex (he is a good godly man) but it has everything to do with the brokenness and sin in my own life. I was so angry at God. I felt forgotten, thrown aside, and unloved. How could I trust God when He led me to a place that deeply deeply hurt me. Yet, I know there are 3 constants in life. No matter what you face, the good and bad, there are three facts of life that will not change. 1. God is the same God yesterday, today and forever more. The same God who brought the Israelites out of Egypt is the same one today. 2. God is sovereign. Although I don't understand His plan, He is in control and victorious. And 3. despite what the enemy is telling me, my identity is firmly rooted in the cross. I am loved, enough, and worthy because of Jesus on the cross. With all of this in mind, and remembering His faithfulness in my life, I told God "Ok I'm done trying to make plans. Where you call me I will go." and He replied "Great! I want you to go overseas." I quickly said no. I didn't want nor need more change in my life. I deeply wrestled with God for 4 months. I don't think I have ever prayed more authentic prayers. Finally, He asked me to take 2 weeks to pray, fast, and seek godly counsel about it. By the end of the first day I knew without a doubt in my mind that this is where He wanted me to be and I had to follow Him. Since then, it has been amazing to see the miracles He has done in my life and how He has equipped me. But that's a story for another time:)