I am coming into this mental brain dump from a place of some sorrow, missing being known deeply by others. It is a weird feeling when moments of sadness or spiritual warfare set in because there are so many more good days that outweigh the bad. I have built some great relationships with people to just sit with in the mess of life and have many watching over me. There is still this feeling of lacking something like the comfortability that comes from family and the people who have watched me grow. There are moments when you need to talk about hard things with a close mentor and they are not just a phone call away because of time difference and scheduling conflicts. Quality time is truly just not the same over facetime than it is in person. The truth is I am lacking in nothing, the Lord does not withhold blessings when we are living out His calling on our lives in obedience. I can trust that these few and far between moments of grief are growing me into deeper trust for my Savior. I know that trusting in my own way leads to emptiness and bondage. I have had some hard days where it feels like I write novels in my journal pleading with the Lord about the desires of my heart, asking Him to give me a humble and contrite Spirit of repentance that reflects Him. All throughout the end of Isaiah it talks about how we have betrayed and forsaken the Lord in so many ways yet He fulfills His promises and draws the nations to Himself. What an honor that I have the perfect example of what I get to be a part of. I live out everyday feeling the truth of “He is with me.”
Living in a slower paced environment means you may have to go to many different places to get the things you need. Things that would take no time at all in the states may take all day here. During the summer many expats go on vacations, have home assignments, or attend conferences. Being fresh to the field has kept me plenty busy with language lessons daily and trying to make some local friends. I have celebrated people’s birthdays and milestones, started budgeting, read some of your letters, gone on trips, played a lot of card games, and even given some hair cuts. I feel like most days here are solid and I have a grasp on my surroundings, I feel intact with my emotions and have many new outlets for spending time with the Lord. I would say I am transitioning as well as one can in a foreign place. Other days I get frustrated with language, different sicknesses, how things operate here, and the way people function. I am somewhere in between the frustration and adjustment stages of culture shock. I expected culture shock to be this big obstacle when I first arrived but it has been much more of a gradual process. I have started to feel a slight sense of insecurity in not understanding some of the language and gestures used in certain situations.
We have welcomed a family of 5 and a single girl to our team, it is really cool to see the harvest growing. When I went to pick her up from the airport at 3am there were hundreds of people waiting outside for their friends and family returning from Mecca. It was a very dark reminder of where I live and the spiritual state of these people. The only other time I see this many people is on Friday afternoons when large masses of men leave from their prayers at the mosque. Locals recently celebrated Eid Korbon, the holiday where they celebrate Abraham sacrificing his son, Ishmael, as a testament of his faith. Many houses sacrifice an animal, my house hung up a goat outside and it was slightly traumatizing. I visited my language teacher’s house and my old homestay for this holiday. I have been going back to visit my sweet host family once every two weeks, it has been a joy to sit with them in their mess. I think being removed from living somewhere and now being an outsider helps me enjoy and understand them in a new way. One of my new teammates shared a beautiful vision she had with me of Jesus knocking on each person’s gate asking to spend time with them. We can be the personal hands and feet that go and share with them the love of Jesus. A different team here recently had a short-term group come for 2 months and I was able to be a part of some of their efforts in connecting to students learning English. We had a 4th of July party and a girls day where we painted nails, watched I love Lucy, and had a dance party. I connected with many students and it showed the value in short-term teams coming to help connect locals to long term workers.
I have been really trying to practice slowing down and allowing my heart and world to listen to what the Spirit has for me. I have found a few outlets of solitude including watercoloring and even though I am not very good at it, I have decided I will not give up. It has become a good way to rest and practice creating. If you know me, you know I love baking for people. This has become such a good practice here culturally as it would be inappropriate to show up empty handed to someone’s home. I recently played in an ultimate frisbee tournament with locals and expats, it was very sweet to see how sports can bring others together across the world. One expat family that I have gotten relatively close with invited me on a day trip out of the city, it is so nice to just be invited into people’s lives. My new language helper is like-minded and has become such a dear friend. Coming from a Muslim background she has been asking me some pretty interesting questions about the Bible including, “What is paradise?” and “How long after we die do we wait to go see Jesus?” She told me her Aunt became a believer over 20 years ago and it has caused her to divorce and everyone who knows her thinks she is crazy. What a beautiful testament of persecution for Christ.
Have you ever been handed a giant racoon with monkeys running around at your feet, a small alligator chilling on top of its cage, two parrots talking over your head in a different language, and a man in the corner holding a snake? I recently found myself in this crazy situation at a petting zoo under the mall and remembered that I was definitely not in America anymore. I barely flinch anymore when I see horses randomly pass me on the street, a rat run through the ditch, porcupines get loose at the zoo, or when we stop to get fresh fried fish off the side of the road. On the way out of town for my language school girl’s retreat, I decided to tell my language teacher in the taxi the new word I had learned from my other language helper! Turns out what my very Kuchagi (street language) helper told me for “very cool” was actually equivalent to ‘bad donkey’, if you pick up what I'm putting down. The young male taxi driver loved it and responded with it multiple times on the ride out. Recently at a restaurant a pair of plastic gloves came with my meal, I ordered a croissant so I was very confused. I looked around to realize that anyone with a sandwich or burger was wearing the gloves to eat with. I had a moment of cultural panic, did I just eat with a fork like normal or did I put on the gloves? Of course I put on the gloves. I realized after a bus ride that I accidentally scanned my debit card instead of my bus card and the bus driver did not make a scene demanding payment. I appreciated this so much and can only imagine him thinking, “Oh poor, stupid foreigner.” I went to buy new fabric for a fall outfit and took a very soft, plain fabric I found to my seamstress. She looked at me very confused and said “This is not material, where did you get this?” I nervously shrugged my shoulders, pretty sure I accidentally brought her curtain fabric. My tunic and pants should be done next week.
Recently one of the daughter-in-law’s for my current landlords told me I would be a good wife because I keep my place clean and take care of my plants. Most people would find this to be a silly comment but women here are held to some very high standards of cooking, cleaning, and being the primary care providers for their households. The women here are rarely allowed to work and are not allowed much freedom outside of the house. It is a frustrating concept to me because some women get married as early as 16, plus divorce and multiple wives are extremely common in this culture. I am constantly asked if I have a husband or if I would marry a local, they don’t understand or see the value that I do in me being single at 23. Women here get cat calls, marriage proposals, stared at, and honking. I am grateful that I live in a safe city and I know many other countries deal with much worse but it can be quite heavy to watch on a daily basis. The women here also serve so kind-heartedly and are the most hospitable people I have met. My language teacher’s husband lives in Russia for a year at a time to work and can not come home to visit often. While he was in town recently, she spent her 2nd to last day with him at the lake spending time with her students and preparing osh. She also raises her 3 boys, takes on two jobs, and still has everyday responsibilities at home. If you dare say anything about where you are stopping on public transport you will have many women speak up for you at your destination.
My favorite thing that has happened was a conversation with a teacher at my school, her name is Faith and we went on a walk together. I was telling her that my best friend from home is named Faith, she didn’t know that it was a real name but just liked the word and nicknamed herself that. She asked me why I had moved there and I told her that I was praying about what to do after college and felt like the Lord was leading me overseas. She was very confused and said, “You believe the Lord talks to you?” I responded excitedly “Yes! And I can talk to Him and He hears me! Can you hear from God?” She said no and then asked if I believe in the trinity. At this point I was very confused in the conversation, how did she know to ask all of these things? I went on to explain that I could be in a personal relationship with the Lord because I believe He died for my sins. I asked her if she had faith in something and she told me she was a Christian but believed that God and Jesus were not the same person and the Holy Spirit was God’s power. I found out later that she is actually a Jehovah’s witness. This conversation was encouraging because of the way I could share some simple gospel phrases with her to speak the truth, but also very sad to me because someone else had come here and led her to a false gospel. I don’t know what the Lord is doing but I never thought I would move to a predominantly Muslim country and meet a Jehovah’s Witness. I am thankful she is teaching many girls here like me that can softly correct her false beliefs. I recently met with another girl who is a devout Muslim, recently divorced, and wanted to practice her English with me. She told me she wanted to change her world and did not like the direction her life was going. I wish she knew the answer I had for her, I desire for her the freedom and peace that comes with living for Christ. Pray with me for her salvation and God’s mercy to penetrate her heart. As relationships here feel slow I remember that I am messy, the Lord’s perfect Holy Spirit overflowing from me will not be pretty because I am a sinner. He will give me words to say in due time and I will not lose hope for my brothers and sisters in this country, I will wait on the Lord to move because He does and He will.
In Christ,
Ruth