Throughout the interview process, fundraising, training, and even now as I am waiting on my visa, a question I often ask is, “What am I doing? Will my presence in SE Asia even make a difference?” My mind spins as I think about everyone who is invested in this work--my family and friends who I am leaving, the students I could currently be teaching in the states, my home church, generous supporters who are giving money to me each month. Is this really the right choice? Is what I am doing even going to make a difference?
The Lord answered my question through a vision at a prayer night:
Everything was dark and I was in the street of a neighborhood. The darkness was suffocating and heavy. At first I felt alone in the darkness, but then it became clear that I was joined by angels and other people. We were all carrying light with us (it emanated from within us) and were part of a silent parade. As we were walking through the streets, we would enter homes that were dark. Slowly, lights within the homes would come on. People from these houses would then spread out to the houses around them, bringing and sharing the light. Some houses would come to light, some remained in darkness. This parade slowly wove through the streets of the town, spreading outwards. I suddenly saw a fully zoomed out view of the world and could see that these parades of light were happening all over the world and we were all heading to the same place--The Throne Room of Grace. I entered the throne room alongside my fellow bearers of light and there we bowed--every tribe, tongue, and nation--at the feet of our Mighty King in the purest form of worship, praise, and adoration. The light was a brilliant blaze in the presence of our God.
Will my presence make a difference? Yes. Why? Because I have the light of Christ within me and I can share that light with those around me. I am a warrior of light, sent to fight back the darkness. The darkness cannot overcome the Light, though it will try. My very presence in this battle matters. I am a warrior of light.