Well, it’s 3 months later, and I am wrapping up fund raising, starting my language learning journey, and feeling a deep growing excitement for the work I’m stepping into!
The last three months I’ve had so many opportunities to learn about the heart and provision of the Father, and the hard yet transformative work he continues to call us to in this world. The beauty of burdens upon the heart- I’m learning how deeply my Father feels them with and for me. There is a plethora of things you experience and feel like the Lord is teaching you during times of complete dependance, so it’s honestly been hard to wrap my head around writing about it. But if there’s one thing all of this points back to, it’s identity. Who am I in the big picture of things, and who is He who shaped me?
How sweet are the promises of the one who holds all things in His hand? Honestly support raising has not been the hardest part of the process for me (even though it was tiring and intimidating at the front end)- I think the hardest part was continuously reminding myself that this endeavor is not mine. Of course, that contributes to the difficulty of support raising! If you’re anything like me, the excitement and passion often overrides the fear of a new challenge, but that also comes with intense pressure. The weight of successful support meetings, seeing your vision notebook come to fruition, and being “worth it” seems to matter more. Sometimes when I’m afraid, it’s easy to not care as much because it’ll almost be a relief if it doesn’t work out- okay it wasn’t meant to be! And now, the next challenge is being issued a visa in the midst of a pandemic. It's easy to worry. But I know my “why” and am convicted by it, and it has flourished into such an anticipation that I have constant butterflies in my stomach. This work means more to me than I thought it would, and there is a balance and beauty in that feeling. When I have felt anxious with anticipation and desperation in the unknowns, God has asked me gently,
“If you care so deeply for these things, how much MORE do I care? Who has the power to move the mountains, quiet the storms, and open impossible doors?”
Personally, I have seen this character of God prove faithful time and time again: I am fully funded and have seen the Lord bless abundantly. Why do I doubt him now?
9 What gain has the worker from his toil? 10 I have seen the business that God has given to the children of man to be busy with. 11 He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also, he has put eternity into man's heart, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end. 12 I perceived that there is nothing better for them than to be joyful and to do good as long as they live; 13 also that everyone should eat and drink and take pleasure in all his toil—this is God's gift to man. 14 I perceived that whatever God does endures forever; nothing can be added to it, nor anything taken from it. God has done it, so that people fear before him. 15 That which is, already has been; that which is to be, already has been; and God seeks what has been driven away.[a]
Ecclesiastes 3:9-15
I have rested in the truth that no doubts, fears, failures, strivings, or lack thereof, can hinder or unseat the promises of God. The promises of God are yes and amen within His will. May this truth give us confidence and joy as it carries us into the New Year. ~ Jenna