I can’t believe I’ve already been in SE Asia for a whole month! On one hand, I feel like I just got here, and on the other hand my life before coming here feels like it was long ago. That’s how a lot of things feel here – paradoxical. During culture training, this was described as a “pair of ducks” (paradox) named “yay” and “yuck,” or as a dear friend put it, “woohoo” and “poopoo.”
Here are some examples:
- My language skills have improved significantly as I take classes and engage in daily conversation with new friends and my host family. With language learning, especially with my host family, I make a lot of mistakes – sometimes humorous ones. Sometimes, I am able to laugh along and feel thankful for comedic relief. Other times, I feel like I am eternally on the outside of an inside joke.
- I also have learned to get around on a motorbike, and that is so fun! I absolutely love the independence it gives me. At the same time, I feel distrusted and undermined when people assume I cannot pull it out/in of parking on my own (even though I know people are probably just trying to help).
- People here really look up to Americans, so it has been nice that so many people respect me and give me attention. At the same time, I feel conflicted because these people do not truly know me yet, so I feel like they are more interested in what I represent than who I am. For example, the pastor at a local church I had visited only twice asked me to preach and repeatedly said how honored he was to have me visit.
- Successfully doing anything in public is pretty exciting to me, whether it’s purchasing something at a convenience store, asking for directions, or ordering something at a restaurant. While I rejoice in these small victories, I miss the ease with which I performed these tasks in the US.
- Learning the culture through observation, note-taking, and asking locals is a lot of fun and very interesting. At the same time, adjusting my habits to conform to a different culture makes existence exhausting.
- I live in a tight-knit community, and it is really sweet to see neighbors who truly know one another. At the same time, I feel like I am under a microscope, with everyone knowing what I am doing all the time.
- The food here is amazing! I eat most meals with my host family, and my host mom is an excellent cook. However, she always makes a lot of food for me, and every meal there is an internal mental battle between my desire to show my host mom how much I love her food and the capacity of my stomach.
- The landscape here is gorgeous! Everything is green and blossoming here, and I am thankful to be here while it is still freezing cold in parts of the US. The yuck is that there are mosquitoes here, and I am always slightly warm.
I take great comfort in knowing that Jesus knows how this feels. On a scale infinitely bigger than I ever could, Jesus left his divine comforts and privileges to enter the world as a human, a servant (Philippians 2:6-7). This world (that he created!) became his home, but the world did not recognize him (John 1:10). Jesus had every right to be known by the very world he created, but he wasn’t. People didn’t see him for who he was, often not even his disciples after following him for a while! Jesus knows exactly how it feels to be unknown and to be humbled.
Philip said, “Lord, show us the Father and that will be enough for us.” Jesus answered: “Don’t you know me, Philip, even after I have been among you such a long time? Anyone who has seen me has seen the Father. How can you say, ‘Show us the Father’?”
John 14:9 (emphasis added)
So my prayer is that God’s power would be magnified in my weaknesses (2 Corinthians 12:9). My language is far from eloquent. I don't have wise or persuasive words. But my prayer and hope is that whatever is communicated out of this poor lisping, stammering tongue and these failed attempts at culturally appropriate behavior would somehow demonstrate the Spirit’s power within me.
“And so it was with me, brothers and sisters. When I came to you, I did not come with eloquence or human wisdom as I proclaimed to you the testimony about God. For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. I came to you in weakness and great fear and trembling. My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit’s power, so that your faith might not rest on human wisdom, but on God’s power.”
1 Corinthians 2:1-5
I just keep doing my best, and trust God do accomplish his purposes through my efforts. His grace is sufficient.