Do you have a big family that is scattered around the country? If you do, you are probably familiar with the large family reunions, usually once or twice a year around a major holiday. All the cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, close family friends, maybe second cousins, and great aunts all gather together. When that happens, there is always the normal, friendly interrogation that happens. How has school been going? Where are you working now? Where are you living? Any significant other?
If you are lucky there will be a few cousins that haven't visited in a while or someone will have some really important, new life update to help balance the attention. But if that person who has been away is you, well, then you get all the attention!
Coming home is a bit like that but with every group of people that you re-meet. Please don't get me wrong: I love it when people ask me questions. It firstly shows that people actually care and they want to know what has been happening in your life. Secondly, it keeps the conversation going when I'm not sure what to say next. But most importantly, it allows me to process through what has been happening so I can present it in a way that makes sense to the listener. And it gives me a chance to glorify the Father by sharing all that he has been doing in the country and in my life.
After a few months of questions, I decided to compile a list of the most common ones and ranks some based on how easy, fun, problematic, or thought-provoking the questions are:
Most common questions:
-"What is your favorite food from there?" This is a fun question, mostly because I enjoy food. Where I am, we don't have that many bizarre or extraordinary food, but it is still fun to try to explain how the seemingly familiar foods are actually made different. And it is even more fun when I can cook some of the dishes for friends and family.
Answer: We eat a lot of pasta with tomato sauce, chicken and rice, and beans. We also make salads but usually made with
grain, cabbage, or beans instead of lettuce.
-"It's really hot there, isn't it?" This one makes me laugh because it usually means the person has noticed that I am wearing sweaters and jeans in the middle of the summer or happened to overhear me complaining to a sibling about the amount of air conditioning the building is using. My siblings are gracious enough to just roll their eyes at my ridiculousness, thankfully.
Answer: Yes, it is pretty hot. I let and it was around 104 and that was mid-May. It will usually get up into the 110s in the
middle of the summer. It is pretty humid from late February through June and dries out in the second half of the year.
-"Are you safe there?" This question is mostly asked by family members and older women at fellowships. It is a valid question but it is so hard to explain because safety is so relative and there are so many different areas of safety. If I get sick from drinking tap water, does that make me unsafe? I'd say no, maybe a little foolish but not unsafe. Also for safety reasons, I say the region which is quite large or the continent which is even larger. This gets confusing for people when they watch news.
Answer: Yes. Depending on who asks, I may get into more of the nuances but overall I am safe and the country is stable.
-"Are you still teaching?" This is a pretty common question. Usually people are a bit hesitant to ask this one, but I would much rather people ask a question and allow me to clarify that them not be sure or get confused. Even people who get and read all my updates may still have questions about what my day to day looks like.
Answer: Yes. I am teaching English grammar in the evenings twice a week and then I help with conversation classes which
are for the students who just want to practice their speaking and listening skills. These are a bit more informal and are a lot
of fun because we can talk about anything. Often we start the class with a topic or story or proverb or moral dilemma.
-"Do you love it there?" This is a hard question, because it is a closed question or a yes/no question. Yet it is asking such a big thing. It is also a leading question, pushing me towards positivity. This is hopefully a beginning question, which will be followed by a deeper conversation and follow-up questions. However, more often than not it is a fleeting greeting question, accompanied by a big smile and a hug before the asker moves on to greet the next person.
Answer: Yes. There is a lot and some of it is hard and some of it is really good, but overall, I do enjoy living and working there.
I have made some good friends.
-"Are you so happy to be back?" This is similar to the above question but kind of the inverse.
Answer: Yes. I am really grateful to be home and get to visit with friends and family.
Not so great questions: These are questions I don't really enjoy, because I am not sure how to answer or because it is more complicated than that.
-So often people will just come up to me and say, "Tell me everything!" And while I love their enthusiasm and I so want to tell them about what has been happening, I haven't seen most people in a year and a half to two years. Everything over that length of time is a lot! Usually when someone says this, I have no idea what to say so they get the two -three sentence summary of what I have been doing and then I freeze, usually hoping they have more to say!
-"What does an average day look like for you?" This is a difficult question, because I don't really have an average day. Usually I just redirect this question to be something that I can more easily answer.
Answer: I don't really have an average day. Things change too much. But I teach usually two nights a week and I have one
conversation class in the evening and one in the morning per week. I also am in full time language learning so that means I
meet with my language helper for about 10 hours a week and we study language.
-"Can you buy what you need there? How do you get things?" I find this question to be slightly frustrating because it just shows a lack of understanding and ignorance. In the world today, there are very few places in the world that do not have access to any kind of store or market and those tend to be very far out in the wilderness. I live in a city.
Answer: Yes. There are five larger supermarkets in the city, one of which is inside the mall. But there are also little stores all
around. There are six within easy walking distance from my house, before I even get to the bus stop.
-"How many people have you saved?" First of all, I am NOT saving anyone. That is impossible, but with the Father all things are possible. He is the one who saves and forgives. I can have gospel conversations and tell people the truth and pray. Yet, when this question was asked of me, it wasn't coming from a cynical or legalistic or numbers-driven place. It was coming from a younger student who was eager to hear how the Father was working in the country. So hopefully, I answered in a way that made sense, pointed the focus back to Him, and was still encouraging to the asker.
Answer: Um, well, it doesn't quite work like that. In the country, we spend lots of time trying to build relationships with
students and friends. Through those relationships, we often have the chance to talk about the Father and truth, but usually
they are small little conversations. Sometimes we have a chance to outline the whole gospel or even have Word studies.
Mostly we pray and let the Father work in people's lives and we answer as many questions as we can pointing back to Him as
often as possible.
-"Is there any boys?" This is a silly question. As a single, young adult I have gotten this question at every family get-together since forever. The question is well intended (sometimes; sometimes it is a joke from my cousins who are teasing about how often we get asked) but it just gets asked a little too often.
Answer: No. Elaboration varies based on who is asking and where.
Great questions: Most of the really good question get me thinking and force me to pause before I answer. They tend to be open ended and lead to more conversation. I won't answer most of these here because they require too much elaboration to fit into one blog post.
-"What was one of the hardest challenges to living there and how did you overcome it?" I like this one because it acknowledges that it can be really hard but it also open the door for shining the light back on the Father. "By his grace alone."
-"How have you seen God moving in the country?" Such a wide spread question. I can answer in so many different ways. It also takes the attention off of me and I can just tell stories.
-"How can we continue supporting you?" This doesn't just mean financially. Often this question leads to conversations about emailing and how to message me safely. I enjoy writing the updates and blogs but it is a lot more encouraging when people respond back with follow-up questions or just updating me on how they are doing.
-"What was something that you missed from home while you were there?" "What is something you miss from the country now that your home?"
-"How are you adjusting to being home?" If you want my answer, in part, to this question, you can read my blog on reverse culture shock. It is really hard to fully answer or explain this question and give a balanced view of all the good and bad and confusing and life-giving.
-"You're learning the language there, right?" I like this question because it usually leads to more conversation about language and I am nerdy and love learning language, as frustrating as it can be. If asked, I will also gladly say something in the language. I give no promises on my pronunciation or grammar. I love getting to share about this part of my life overseas.
I am sure the list goes on and there are a ton of questions people have asked me and I have forgotten. If you have been a worker or traveled abroad for an extended period of time, you are probably familiar with some of these questions and could add more. If you are someone who knows a worker, you probably recognize some of these questions. Whether you have asked "good" or "not-so-good" questions, remember firstly this is a list of my own preferences and secondly, all questions are appreciated and there is really no such thing as a "bad question". Questions show you care. Please be gracious with me if I don't explain well and clarifying questions are always welcome.