Last time I wrote on the topic of exhaustion. I thought to balance the picture I ought to write about the opposite side-rest. Which is much harder to write about. Maybe it is because it is so broad. When you say that you are exhausted, most people know what that means. The exact degree of exhaustion is personal and differs to the person but the concept of being tired is one we are quite familiar with. Rest, on the other hand, is much broader. When questioned about rest, is the person referring to sleeping? Are they talking about a whole day void of any work-like activities? Are they talking about sitting meditatively staring at a wall? Are you resting your mind? Your body? It is a big topic.
And it is not something I do well. At all. The idea of doing has been etched deep into my subconscious and I struggled with idea of the lack of "productivity". It is a way I have quantified my days. When I begin to get really stressed out, I create list of things to do as a means of calming myself down. When I panic, I go through lists of accomplished tasks for the day to prove to myself that the day was good. That I was acceptable.
Yet one can't get away from the idea of rest. It is necessary for life physically. We are finite creatures. We cannot continually go. Without rest, we will die. That is putting it bluntly and extenuating the extreme. But even in a lesser degree, rest is necessary. Our brain needs a pause to be able to sort and categorize everything it has been learning or experiencing. Our souls need time to pause and debrief emotions. Our bodies need the chance to heal and regain homeostasis.
Beyond these, rest is necessary for life spiritually. It allows us a chance to glorify the Father in word and deed. We say that we trust Him. That He is our provider and comforter. But when was the last time I chose rest over work? I trust Him but do I trust Him enough to give Him an hour? An afternoon? A day? Resting is when we put down the figurative shovel and stop striving, letting His will be done without our additions or subtractions.
Starting later in college, I began researching rest. It was not something I was good at, but it was something I knew I needed. Being the person that I am I decided that I needed to learn more about rest and practice. And obviously the best way to learn about something is to do thorough research from credible sources. I read books, listened to podcasts, read commentaries, and sought what the Word said.
After such research, I decided it was time to try it out. A friend and I were accountability partners and we kept each other accountable for Sabbath rest. During my senior year of college, I "Sabbath"-ed on Saturday. Not for any particular reason, it just happened to be the one day that I didn't have work or had the least amount of work. On Saturday, I would sleep in; it was the one day of the week that I would not set an alarm. I would spend an extended period of time in devotion and reading the Word. Then I would do something special or fun. Maybe I would go for a hike or to a museum. Some Saturdays I would go to the local coffee shop where my friend worked and hang out with her, watching how she made coffees and reading whatever book I brought for fun. Some days I would bake or garden or crochet or watch a movie.
Having a whole day for Sabbath was a privilege and I recognize that for some people it is not a possibility due to work or family responsibilities. As a single college student, I had more freedom. Even so at times it took concentrated effort to preserve that day. There is always more work to do, more homework or studying, more lesson plans to write or papers to grade. There is always another shift I could pick up or a job around the house that needs fixing. It definitely helped to have an accountability partner, but it also helped me to think of the day as time set apart as sacred. I was laying down my control and my striving to rest in the presence of my Father. I was demonstrating my trust in Him by not working.
Some weeks I was better at it than others. After a while it fell into a bit of a rhythm. My favorite part of the Sabbath was how it affected the rest of my week. My daily choices were so much more intentional. If I wanted to take one whole day of rest, I had to arrange the rest of my week to allow space for that day. So many more decisions throughout the week were focused on this, turning my focus even more upon my dependency to the Father.
But then my life changed. I graduated college, I moved back home, and I began to prepare to come here. During this time, I still attempted to practice a full Sabbath rest, but it looked much different. I was living with family and had different responsibilities and schedules.
Then my life changed again and I moved to Eastern Africa. Maybe I win most obvious statement of the year with this one, but in case anyone is unsure, life here is very different from life in the States. At least life of a recent college graduate/teacher; I don't want to speak for your life. Maybe your life looks exactly the same as my life now, but somehow I doubt that.
Obvious as it is, it took me about four months to realize that. I remember the moment I realized it feeling so incredibly stupid and incredibly grateful that we have a forgiving and patient Father. It was at a team meeting one week as I was recovering from being sick (again). I wasn't quite as recovered as I thought I was and found myself sitting on the floor, fairly under the weather. A team member quite kindly and simply asked me how I was and suggested that I needed to rest more and ought to find out what brought me rest. In my mind I was thinking, I have spent the last year perfecting the art of rest. I know how to rest. I don't need more rest. I don't need to learn what rest is.
Word of wisdom, if when talking to yourself and you use the word "perfect" to describe yourself, it is probably a good sign that you are misguided. I recognized the foolhardiness and pride in that sentiment. It is different here so I will have a lot to unlearn and relearn when it comes to many things, rest included.
After a few more days of bed rest and when I was feeling better, I slightly shamefaced asked for some help relearning how to rest. I have found rest here looks very different from rest even down to the activities I do. Some stay the same; I still enjoy watching movies and thankfully some of my other friends do as well. Others have grown; I have found myself writing more creatively and drawing. Sometimes I will go to the library and read or organize books. And still other activities I have found alternatives. I dance a lot on the roof when no one is home as an alternative to hiking or biking.
I wish I could say that two weeks later I was totally refreshed in every sense of the word because I had then mastered rest in this country, but in reality, I found myself sick again. However, this time was able to recover slightly better and I was learning.
I am still learning rest. I am wrestling with what is rest and what does it look like in this season of my life. I find myself falling into fallacies and having to continually reassess. I would love the easy solution for rest to be some kind of prescription such as, "This is rest. This is how long you rest for, this is how often you have to rest, these are the results you should expect in 1-5 business days." I find myself asking silly questions, like, "Is rest more like a water-soluble vitamin you take every day? Or is it a fat soluble vitamin that builds up in your system?" I come back to the point over and over that rest isn't a means to an end, in which we rest so that we can do more. It isn't an end either, where work is evil and rest is the ideal. Ends and goals are all a part of doing and achieving. I understand rest best as being, existing in the presence of your heavenly Father, renewing your mind and body as you look to him.
A wise person once said of rest: Think of an infant who is so exhausted, yet they are struggling in your arms refusing to go to sleep. Any parent in that situation would be slightly frustrated begging the child, 'Just go to sleep. You need the rest.' Isn't our Father like that as well, holding us, comforting us, as we, exhausted, are trying to continue to strive on our own failing strength?
So I encourage you this week, find some rest. A large amount of time. A small amount of time. An activity you do by yourself or with people. Rest mentally or physically or spiritually. Spend some time thinking about how you feel when you are depleted and exhausted, how you rest, and what it takes for you to feel renewed. Give yourself permission to rest and enjoy. And if you learn anything helpful along the way, I would love to hear about it!