As an elementary education major and someone who just loves working with kids I have spent a lot of time with kiddos and I have a lot of stories. If you have spent any period of time talking to me, you will find that within a few minutes all my stories end up in the classroom or with kids.
Recently at a party I was able to meet and hang out with some new kiddos, 6 between the ages of 6 and not-quite two. The youngest kept wandering around stretching his arms out wide and saying, "All done! All done!" I am not really sure what he thought was all done or if he was just saying that he himself was done with the party or that he was done eating the chocolates that were scattered across the table. (Many a chocolate was eaten by those 6 kids!) I found myself responding, "All done? We are all done" to which he kindly assured me "All done!" To those of you who do not like kids, you don't care or see the humor, but for me, it was a very cute moment.
And it is a good illustration of my current progress in the support raising progress. 12 weeks. Three months. June, July, and August. That was the time period I had dedicated to support raising. The goal was to be finished by September 4th, six days from this moment that I am writing in.
At the beginning of the 12 weeks, I would describe my emotions as confused, very unaware, and terrified. I distinctly remember sitting in a coffee shop when I received my proposed budget from my coach. Maybe it was the two cups of caffeine and no food but I sat very still taking deep breathes for a few minutes trying to convince my eyes to blink. As a just recent college graduate, you would think I would be used to seeing really big numbers on semester price tags. Still, one sings praise songs about God doing impossible things--calming seas, raising the dead. I ranked "providing funds for my ministry" right up there with Lazarus. I had no idea how it could ever be funded.
That was 12 weeks ago.
I had someone recently ask me if I could describe the whole experience, what would I say? The first word that popped into my mind was surprising. Throughout the whole experience, I have never doubted that God would provide. And yet, every time that he has I am surprised.
I debated many ways to describe these last 12 weeks and finally decided that nothing could do it true justice, except going back to the Allison of each week and asking her how she was doing then. And so I will. GoCorps, having done this once or twice, provides lots of great resources that help track your progress. Each week you go in and fill out a bunch of information, but one of the things you fill in is "What has God been teaching you this week?"
Here is an honest snapshot of each week of support raising as well as some stories that encouraged me and truly showed God's glory:
Week 1: Giving him the praise in all circumstances, humility
Hint, you will see a trend with humility. Week 1 was jammed packed. I had 17 meetings in five days. It was also the first week so lots of work, little progress. Lots of mistakes. And it was my last week living in my college town with roommates. Lots of tears and goodbyes. My favorite questions from the week, which I was not prepared for, were "What animals live in the country?" "Would I be traveling by boat to get there?" and "What was my enneagram type?".
Week 2: Always point the glory back to him. And how when you are intentional about praising him the small things become bigger and the annoyances and distractions melt away
This week was full of a lot of meetings with family. Which are hard. I was asked so many hard questions and cried so much. (I am not a crier, despite the track record in this blog) It was my first glimpse at some of the sacrifices that I would be making in choosing to go. Someone I spoke to later summed it up well when she said that often the goer has an easier time at goodbye than the sender since the goer is so busy with all the new and exciting adventures and the senders just have the empty hole that the person left.
Week 3: You can hear his voice in the thunderstorm and the earthquake but can you hear his voice in the still small voice? Once the celebration is over, do you still turn to him or do you let the other worries crowd out your heart?
There is a great movie called the Nativity Story. It came out in 2006. It's not perfect in accuracy but I really enjoy the depiction of life in Nazareth before Mary and Joseph leave to go to Bethlehem. One of my favorite scenes is of a woman teaching the children about Elijah hearing the voice of God. "But the Lord was not in the wind… the earthquake… the fire…And after the fire, a still, small voice." During week three I saw both the great mountaintop moment and the still, small voice. During this week a friend's brother generously gave a gift that covered two thirds of my one-time expense. I did nothing. I did not know the person; I never spoke to the person about the trip. My friend had mentioned it and God did the rest. When I found out I was overwhelmed by God's generosity. This was a great earthquake moment. But also during this week, I met with a bunch of people from my church. People with fixed incomes who are loved me and loved God. Many of them also wanted to support me in whatever small way they could. Here I was blown away by His still small voice and these people faithful example of love and obedience.
Week 4: He is the same and his promises do not waver
One month down, a third of the way through. This week I was plagued with doubts and fears. About all kinds of silly things. I am the kind of person who will be on step a and start panicking about what will happen on step z. I wasn't worried about if God would provide but what if He got me there and I couldn't learn the language or if after the two years, I wanted to stay longer but did not have enough funding at that point. Or what if I stayed on the field for my whole life but never got married and had kids. If at this point you are not shaking your head at me and thinking that I am getting a bit ahead of myself, you should go back and reread that list again. And the craziest thing is that this week of support raising went really well. I had good meetings with people, got to spend time with family and friends from middle and high school that I haven't seen in forever. Finally gave my presentation to my parents (oops!) and had a record number of questions asked to me in one meeting from my little brother and sister-in-law. Throughout the whole week, though, I had to keep reminding myself that if God provides here, He will provide then. If his plans are good now, they will be good then. There is a song that says "God, you have never failed/ You won't start with me," which is much nicer than other ways I have heard it expressed "You are not nearly special enough to mess up God."
Week 5: His abundance and trusting in his plan. This week was plagued with lots of fears for the future if I would get enough monthly supporters and if the supporters would be willing to support me after the initial two years if I chose to go long term. But he has been continually faithful providing new appointments and people who have been very encouraging.
I had a couple of really encouraging meetings this week. I met a friend of a friend who also was a teacher overseas and could give me really good advice as well as told some amazing stories. I met another mutual friend who encouraged me in the process of support raising as she had some experience in it herself.
Week 6: I was a slacker and did not fill out this weeks. But my favorite quote from the week was: "Oh God, you have storehouses on a thousand hills." God was teaching me and pushing me out of my scarcity mindset. I had this lingering fear that God was somehow limited in his resources. It stems more so from my own limitations and the general view of money that as a culture we tend to propagate. A good analogy is a bin of scrap yarn. You cannot make a blanket out of it because there is not enough and if you keep thinking about it that way you will never make any progress. But you can make a bunch of different little things out of it if you are willing to live a little creatively. If you live in fear, you will never see the glorious plan God has for you, but if you live with your plans and resources in open hands and focus on God, you will be amazed by the great things he is working out.
Week 7: Patience!!
I could add a few more exclamation points. My mom always says that you don't realize how selfish you are until you get married or have kids. I could add to that you don't realize how prideful and impatient you are until you have to start support raising. I have always wished that I would be able to learn patience the easy way, but I do not think that there is one.
Week 8: He is worthy and he has called me to this which makes me worthy. If he calls me worthy, who am I to argue?
I got to go back to Colorado and visit with friends from college, speak at a church I went to while in college, and go to a commissioning of long term international teachers. It was both a crazy busy and an intensely restful week. See my earlier blog if you want more explanation about what I was learning this week.
Week 9: There is a humility in being willing to accept the good things he has planned for me as well as his planning. I must be willing to let go of control if I wish to accept his peace
Two thirds of the way done support raising! Someone described support raising as bouncing between mountaintop ecstasies and panic-fueled lows and running almost exclusively on adrenaline and caffeine from all the coffee shop meetings. I always laugh but it is painfully accurate. I have had amazing meetings in which I am drawn closer to God and reminded over again of his promises. I have gotten to know friends better and meet new people. And I have had nights in which I go to sleep calculating in my head how much money I still need and how many meetings that would be if each one gave this much and how many people I need to reach out to if every third person agrees to meet. When I lose sight of God and his plan, I begin to fix everything and then everything begins to fall apart and I lose his peace.
Week 10: "When striving cease" It was a line from a song this Sunday and struck me. I am continually striving to do this in my timing. I want it to happen and if I just do more, try more, then surely I can make it happen. But that is not true. My strength is in Him and it is when I finally stop trying and striving, then He can work through me. I can see His glory and power more and I can find His peace
This week I wrote out a to-do list, just so I had everything on paper and I would not forget the small little things I kept remembering I needed to do while driving somewhere and forgetting to do by the time I arrived. The list covers 4 post-it notes and includes emailing people, confirming meetings, printing documents, getting extra passport photos, and pray without ceasing. It was kind of funny because the Wednesday night Bible study that week was also about praying and waiting on the Lord. Obviously it was something I needed to focus on.
Week 11: Everyone has something that they struggle with or something that they are going through. As I support raise, I am honestly laying before others my needs. Through the process, I have the chance to step into their stories and see their hopes and experiences and hear about their struggles. It is incredible to be able to pray for others and build them up even as they are building me up and helping me walk in obedience.
I am so honored by all the people who have been willing to meet with me and hear more about my trip. I am so humbled by all the people who are willing to help send me in prayers and with their finances. I am not sure if there is any words I could use to describe how thankful I am for them. There is something incredibly special about getting to lay a need before someone and in return trusted with their needs.
Week 12: God's timing is better. This season is purposeful and fulfilling.
Are there times that I am still not sure about that? Yes. Are there times that I say, "In your timing" and pray, "Let his timing be mine"? Yes. Do I know this to be true in my head and still have to convince my heart? Yes. Does he forgive me when I mess up? Yes.
Here I am at the beginning of Week 13. I cannot believe that I am already on this end of the 12 weeks. Right now I am sitting at 86% of my overall funding (One-time and monthly combined) and still in need of about 23% of my monthly. Every day I am surprised by God's goodness and generosity.
One of the other kiddos from the party at the beginning of the blog kept wandering around the room. He would go to the far end of the tables where is grandma was sitting and come back to our end holding a chocolate kiss. He did this three or four times and each time he did, he would say, "I found it. Look! I found it" right before he would eat the chocolate.
In this support raising process, I am the child. God is the grandma who keeps handing me the chocolate. I have no idea that the table is actually covered in chocolates. I just know that every time am in need, I get another chocolate, sometimes before I even realize I am in need. I am just so excited about the candy in my hand. It is a miracle that I get this chocolate and I can't wait to tell everyone about the treasure handed to me.