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Lessons Learned in Transition

Posted on Friday, July 23, 2021

Well, after six weeks, I think I have settled into a bit of a rhythm back at home. In a good way! The world felt a little topsy turvy there for a bit and so it is with a bit of relief that I am excited to find this strange definition of normal.

 

As I am settling in, I find time to reflect on this last transition. From the front end of it, I did not expect it to be so….big? Obviously, 1271 miles* is quite large change, but even beyond the physical distance, there was so much more to this transition.

 

I want to highlight a couple of truths I have learned, or am attempting to learn, in the midst of transition:

Truth #1: Leaving roommates is hard. We have only known each other for four years but a lot happens in four years. And they say bonds are forged in adversity and trial. I am probably closer to those five girls than anyone else in my life. And no, I am not just now figuring out how much they mean to me after I left. But I am learning how lonely I am without them. Knowing this has helped me to do my best to be better at communicating. Both with the people I am with now and with everyone I left. Anyone who knows me knows I am not the best at texting or calling, but I am doing my best to make an effort to grow in that department.

Truth #2: Moving forwards is not the same as moving on. I think #1 is part of the reason this quote is so dear to me. "Don't look back, because you aren't really leaving your roommates. We are going to be part of your future." This is a quote from a note one of my roommates wrote me before I moved. All my roommates left me really sweet notes. (There were lots of tears shed!) But this quote specifically struck me in both its confidence and its truthfulness. Maybe we will never be roommates again. Maybe, being terrible at communicating digitally, I will fail to stay in contact as well as I would like. Maybe we will end up in each other's weddings and living next door. I have no idea, but the time I have spent with them has forever changed me. Their influences will affect the way I think and the decisions I make. They will be part of my future because of how fundamental they have been in shaping past me. Even beyond that, they will be part of my future because I know I have an amazing support system at home praying for me and encouraging me.

Truth #3: You cannot just slip back into the same spot. When I left home, there was a hole, but that hole does not remain. People change and grow and fill in the hole. They step up and redivide the chores that used to be yours. They reallocate responsibility and the role you once played becomes redundant. As is natural and good. Look at a forest. If a large tree in the middle has to be removed, the forest doesn't then forever have a gap. Other trees grow into the opening.

But, unlike a tree in the forest, I then came back. I am sure anyone who leaves home for a while and then comes back experiences this transition to some degree. Yet in the two weeks between the end of the school year and my move back home, I was not thinking about this dynamic. I was thinking about how to pack up all my belongings and where I would put them all once I got home. About beginning support raising and what that would look like. About leaving roommates and how hard that would be. I did not get to the point of looking ahead.

It was fun to move home and spend quality time with family, but it was also strange. It was like moving in with new roommates. Except when you move in with new roommates, you don't really know each other. You kind of skirt the edges of each other's existence until you figure out the boundaries and the expectations. With family, there are already preconceived ideas on both sides. For me, I expected to fall back into the role of older sister. For them, they expected me to be the same person I was when I left after high school.

But I am not the same person, entirely. I like to think that I have grown and learned at least a little since then. And they do not have need for me to fill the same role I used to fill. Some degree of reshuffling and rediscovering is necessary.

Truth #4: Apologies are important. Especially when you put your foot in your mouth. This one I am definitely still learning. As I am attempting to figure out the dynamics that I am walking into, I have  not been the most graceful at times, as my family can attest. Yet it is important, that if I want my family to see me for who I am, then I have to be willing to do the same for them, and not continue to treat my siblings like they are still in middle school.

Truth #5: Patience is a virtue. I think this one is pretty self-explanatory! There is no one like family to make you laugh. We have built up a lifetime of inside jokes and movie quotes. But there is no one like family to annoy and push your buttons. They have a lifetime of practice!

 

As I continue learning and growing in this new dynamic and this time of preparation, I am struck at how conscientious God is. Maybe that is a strange way to describe it, but He is considerate and does not waste a single opportunity. I am moving into a period of transition, in the mist of preparing to move halfway around the globe to a new culture. I am support raising to be ready financially, reading books about the culture to be ready mentally, and reading the Bible to be ready spiritually. But beyond anything I could possibly be doing intentionally to prepare, He is using this time to allow me to experience what such a  transition could be like on a smaller scale. The truths I am learning now apply there. (That's the great thing about Truths!) The practice I am getting now will help there.

 

As I have time to reflect on this last transition, I am incredibly grateful for the experience, the easy parts, the hard parts, the 10-hours-of-driving-in-one-day parts. I have always been the kind of person who learns best by doing. He is faithful to allow me the time to "practice"!

 

*Distance between college address and permanent residence.

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