I have been in-country for over a month now and as I sit and reflect on my time here so far, I thought I would share a bit of what I am learning and what might be helpful to others. I had traveled overseas and served in many different countries before I accepted this two year commitment. I have always loved going to new places and at the end of all those trips, I never really wanted to return home. So, when I landed in-country this time, I did not even realize I was expecting to instantly love it like I have all the other places. This was my first mistake. Not being honest and realizing I had this expectation upon arrival made my first 2 days here so much harder than they needed to be. I also think there were other factors involved (spiritual warfare for sure) but this added to the difficulty.
When I got off the plane, instead of smiling and looking around, I became overwhelmed. When I got to my house, I started unpacking and broke down crying. I wanted to go home, I didn’t think I could do it, I didn’t know why I even said yes in the first place. Yet, as I cried, I continued to unpack. I think one of the hardest things for me was understanding why I was so upset. As someone who loved serving and meeting new people groups, I didn’t understand why I was struggling so hard. Then I realized that the unvoiced expectation of loving your new country upon arrival was not one-size-fits-all. I had been told for the past month that I was going to experience this honeymoon phase as soon as I landed, where I would love everything. That was not true. And because it wasn’t true, I thought something was wrong with me, making me doubt my purpose even more.
There is so much more to the story, but I want to encourage someone that if you are having a hard time in a new place, whether your in-country or preparing for one, hold it all loosely. Culture shock is going to look different for everyone. My time frame and adjustment period does NOT have to look like everyone else’s and neither does yours. Give yourself grace, because Jesus already has. Do your best, keep your faith, and invite your team to come alongside you. I promise you aren’t the odd one out.