How would you enter into a culture that structures its words and deeds around shame and honor (S/H)?
Many of the traditions and situations may seem strange to a guilt and justice-based (G/J) society.
Let me explain by asking a question.
How would you and others in your circle (family, friends etc.) handle a stressful event?
In a G/J community, they would regard the “rightness” or “wrongness” of the issue to resolve the stress. They would openly discuss the injustice and demand that their rights be heard and given.
In a S/H context, the greatest injustice would be to shame the most respected person(s) involved. Depending on the situation, they may use shame towards others or withhold it to honor the person.
I could give you countless examples where I needed to put on my “H/S” glasses to view a conversation in a new light. Before I share any example, I wanted to highlight that these are shared to help us process how best to invest in ministry opportunities without missing key gospel outlets.
I visited some of my family who live relatively close to where I serve over the holidays. The lady, that cooks for us sometimes, has a son with down syndrome. He is a bright little fellow that had much to say as soon as he felt comfortable around me. This lady has cared for my family over the past decade and so we are able to discuss things with relative ease. She shared her desire to send him to a special school in the next year or so.
As we chatted, I saw him move his hands to his face as we do while playing “peek-a-boo”. The motion though, also reminded me of the photo we used to learn the word “shame” in Bambara during our feelings lesson. I mentioned this and then how God removes our shame. The mother then shared how, in the beginning, she had felt shame as people would stare at her son. In taxis, she would cover him with a cloth. One day, a woman saw her doing this and told her kindly to stop. She explained she as well had a child with down syndrome and felt no shame. This lady honored her by this encouragement thus removing her own shame. I said again – “Yes, in Jesus, there is no shame. God will use your son for His good purpose.”
I read several times a week with an 18-year young lady who has never learned how to read in her mother tongue. As we started, I could tell she felt ashamed and had it confirmed through others from her friend circle.
I began to think of ways I could honor her. She is a guest in my home and so our time starts with refreshments and greetings. Then as we read in Bambara, I hope to create a safe and positive learning environment. In my limited Bambara, I know she is honoring me but not correcting me so often as we read :D When we conclude, we walk out together to my gate and repeat the customary farewells.
Jesus must enter the honor equation. We use the Bambara Bible often to work on reading comprehension. The Word is full of spaces where God, in his love, removes our shame. My family and I read the passage of the Samaritan woman the night I was leaving. I was again touched by Jesus’s way of removing her shame. As she spoke in truth, He gave her living water and revealed His identity. What better way to show my friend that I honor her as Christ does!
* The picture above - we are reading Isaiah 9 detailing the names of Christ. We need the Prince of Peace more than ever in this season!