“Well, how are you doing?”
A long pause. A sigh. Silence…
“Umm, well… so often I just feel… like I’m just messing up… all the time… and I’m struggling and upset, and going through stuff… and I don’t know what I’m doing… and you call me and say things like, ‘I’m so proud of you, I’m encouraged to see your life, and watch you say yes to God over and over again,’ and… sometimes I don’t even want to talk to God. Even though I know deep down that I love Him with all my heart… I just… don’t want to read my Bible enough, and I’m just… not the leader role model that you would think that I am… and… I’m a mess… and… … just that…?”
“Okay… that seems expected… It’s not uncommon to feel like that sometimes… And… other than that? What else?”
“… Well, I’m finally getting to build some relationships with some of the teens. It’s just been happening… like the other Saturday, after youth group, one of the girls came up to me and said, ‘Can I talk to you afterwards? I need to tell you my story.’ And we sat down and she told me her whole testimony of all of these things she’s been through. How she was sexually abused as a child, but never told anyone about it, and how she went through an eating disorder, and her grandma who she was really close with passed away, and how this year she didn’t want to live anymore. And a few months ago, she told someone about the abuse that took place when she was a little girl, and now her family is going through the process of seeking justice, but she’s been dealing with a lot of flashbacks, and nightmares, and insomnia because of that… But she ended by telling me that she wants to walk with God again, because she feels like she hasn’t in a while. And I just thought that was the most beautiful thing… because, it’s like… it’s a relationship, and it’s just a new part. A relationship never just disappears, it’s still there. It’s like, now we know each other well enough that we can just sit in the same room without saying anything. You know? Like… just that relationships have ups and downs, and it’s a really beautiful thing to just be in a new part of one… So yeah, I guess that was really cool.”
“Wow… you think you earned her trust?”
“No! She hadn’t even come to the group since I took over leadership! That was 100% the Holy Spirit, because I know it wasn’t anything I did! ... And… this last Friday I took a different one of the girls out for milkshakes and we talked about starting a youth worship band! It was so cool because I had the idea, and as soon as I asked if she would be interested in helping put it together, she was like, ‘ohmygosh, yes! I’m about to call my friend who plays the guitar, and my other friend who sings, and…’ She was so excited. And I met with her, and she has all these great ideas, and you can tell her heart is really in the right place. She was like, ‘I was thinking we could focus on this list of songs, and we could practice on this day after school, and I’m so excited, I think this is so important, I want to be an example, because I know when I was younger, I was encouraged to see… xyz,’ and honestly it’s so cool to see her enthusiasm and capability to do this. And she helped me plan the teen Christmas party the day before, so that was a huge help! … and it was just such a sweet time, to spend with her at like 4pm, in the corner booth of a quiet restaurant with our milkshakes… and I hope that even if every Saturday evening youth group just went horribly, or whatever, I hope that I could at least leave an impression on her life through this.”
“Yeah, those one on ones are so important. Sounds like you’re really getting a chance to pour into them.”