Dear Fellow Griever,
I am naturally terrible at change. From childhood, I’ve avoided or fought against the unexpected, the unknown, and the new. I find it ironic that God has led me to cross-cultural missions, because missionaries constantly have to deal with all of these things, and even embrace them!
Over time I’ve grown in my willingness to adapt. I lived in Nicaragua for three months, Uganda for ten weeks, and moved here to Mexico last year, expecting to stay two years. Because I’ve had all this past experience with cross-cultural ministry, I didn’t expect to struggle with the change again. I thought this move would be much easier since I’d been here before, grew in my Spanish while in the U.S., and I already know people here from my three weeks last year and then a year of regular Zoom meetings with them. But it was still hard. Truthfully, I was blindsided by the most painful culture shock, homesickness, loneliness, and anxiety I ever remember experiencing.
The past year has brought unexpected and painful changes for the whole world. So I hope the following realities that I’ve had to keep close in my mind and heart during this difficult transition may be relevant for anyone, and especially those going through or preparing for cultural adaptation or any other change or loss.
- You will not feel this way forever. My dad always used to tell me this and it often irked me because all I really cared about was how I felt in that moment. But it’s true, and when pain, discomfort, and loneliness are strong and heavy, it really is a relief to remember that it will end. You can make it through. It will get easier.
- There are people who love you rooting for you, even though they are not physically near. Remembering my team of family, friends, ministry partners, and prayer warriors reminded me that I’m here in Mexico City for a purpose-- God brought me here and used all of these precious people to make it possible. I am not alone.
- If you are missing home and loved ones you are blessed, because those safe and loving places and people are gifts from God. Though it’s super hard to do in the midst of the emotional pain of loss and loneliness, try to thank God for the people He’s given you that you’re missing. Anxiety and gratitude cannot coexist.
- You have the beautiful, rich, and unique gift of being immersed in a culture different from yours. This will grow your relationship with God, your understanding of His character, your worldview, your resilience, your empathy, and your self-awareness. Good things will be borne from this painful change.
- In not too long, you’ll begin to love and miss the people in your new context. It will be painful to leave this place, too, but that’s a good thing! God will give you grace for that change, too, just as He gives you grace in this one, whether you see it or not. I know what it feels like to have pieces of my heart scattered all over the planet-- just last night I was praying that I won’t ever forget the cherished memories I have from Nicaragua and Uganda as I’m entering a new and longer phase here in Mexico. The memories, people, and experiences will always be important and always present, because they shaped who I am. It is a blessing to have them to miss-- they are gifts to thank God for.
When I was in the throes of culture stress and homesickness just over a week ago, I shared my heart with my host sister and she shared with me this wisdom: our hearts long for the people and places we love because God created us to belong and to know home. This points to our deeper longing and need to be home with Him, wholly belonging to Him, completely safe and secure in a redeemed relationship with Him. And is this not why we move across nations, or give our day-to-day lives in our own culture to share the Gospel with those who have not heard? To tell everyone about the riches of a promise they too are invited to take hold of: the promise of home, belonging, being known and loved unconditionally; the promise of perfect relationship free from all brokenness and separation, for eternity, purchased for us by the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. Sharing this message is worth the cost in every way. As an added grace, as we grieve what we leave behind and learn to love people and places very different from our roots, our hearts expand to become more like Him who left His home and throne to seek us out and draw us near-- to bring us truly Home.
“Truly, I say to you, there is no one who has left house or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or lands, for my sake and for the gospel, who will not receive a hundredfold now in this time, houses and brothers and sisters and mothers and children and lands, with persecutions, and in the age to come eternal life. But many who are first will be last, and the last first.” Mark 10:29-31
P.S. Here are some practical tips I've found helpful and written down to help me cope with culture stress, anxiety, and loneliness:
1) Stay in the Word-- make this the first new habit you make in your new place. It's hard to keep up good habits in transition (as I learned again from experience this month), so be intentional about it.
2) Sing when you are anxious. Sing worship songs, or your favorite jams-- things that are familiar to you. Singing regulates your breath, alleviates stress, and brings joy!
3) Count the lovely, beautiful, pleasant, or funny things around you. Look for things to be thankful for; things you enjoy in this new context, even very little things like the flowers that grow here or the time you get to slow down while hanging your laundry outside.
4) Share the struggle and heartache with someone from your new context. Trust that they won't take it personally and in this way start building your support system that will be so necessary in the coming months of your cross-cultural adventure.
5) Remember that God uses all things for good-- even pain and grief. He is the LORD, who turns mourning into dancing.