I sit here and reality begins to sink in. Missions. 2 years. East Asia, a new country, a new city, a new language. At the start of my senior year of college, I prayed that God would surprise me. I was encouraged to start praying more bold prayers, and this was the one I began to pray. I did not know what it meant at the time. But as the year went on, I began to have a deeper understanding of how the Lord was answering this prayer.
Trust. This 5-letter word. This word that shook me to my core, pushed and stretched me to my limits. It was the word that the Lord was teaching me as I embarked on an application process of applying to overseas missions for two years. I was applying for a placement that I would be working with children with special needs that have been abondaned. It was everything I wanted in a job. Yet…. I was hesitant. Fearful. Raise money?! Two years?! Learn a new language and way of living?! I argued with God the entire time. Told him no. Told him I was not going to go, would apply, but go? No.
As I began to walk through this application process, the Lord started to work in my heart. He showed me how I was living in fear and how I had become apathetic and comfortable in my faith. The Lord said “ Alyssa, you wanted me to surprise you, here it is! Do you TRUST ME?” At the time, I didn't.
I believe the Lord speaks in numerous ways, and one way he did was through a song called “A Little Bit of Faith” by Kings Kaleidoscope.
“You've been running, you've been waiting
You're up ahead then here again, you're right on time
On time
You've been loving, you've been praying
So take a breath and don't forget you're by my side
My side
Oh it's gonna be okay with a little bit of faith”
These lyrics spoke to me. Shook me awake, to realize that I was letting fear and apathy hold me back. With a little bit of faith it was going to be ok. I did not want to be the person that acted out of fear, that let fear win. NO! I am no longer a slave to fear, Jesus has conquered my fear, why would I allow these fears to win? I wanted to be someone who not only professed that Christ is Lord, but lived out their faith through turning belief into action. Someone who said YES! YES to being a living sacrifice (Romans 12:1-2), someone who said yes to the question “Will you go?”
That brings me to where I am: boldly stepping into this journey of the unknown, of newness, of being a learner, but boldly stepping into a season of knowing who is going before me, of knowing whose I am, even as my address changes, and as I leave everything “normal” behind to start afresh.
Song suggestions: I don’t Wanna Go by Chris Renzema
A little Bit of Faith by Kings Kaleidscope
Peace and Blessings,
Alyssa