When I first arrived to East Africa 9 months ago, my desire was to use this time as a stepping stone. I had goals for my future in minstry and I wanted to know what was next. I wanted to reach my end goal, and time seemed to be dragging. Here's the thing, we often overlook the beauty in the present if we only look to what's next. I don't mean to sound like your mom, but maybe you need to hear this too.
God has used the last three months to turn my life upside down. He desires me, whole hearted and abandoned before the throne.
So what does this look like for me?
Well, it looks like giving up a dream I have had for the last 7 years. If you told me this nine months ago, I would have never hopped onto the plane bound for East Africa. I would have told you "Get behind me Satan, I know God's plan for my life." Hahaha. I didn't.
I don't know if this is a forever goodbye, but I don't even care. I don't know what's "next", and that's okay. I don't even know if there's a next. I'm not supposed to. I wouldn't be ready anyway. I'd be stubborn as can be and I wouldn't allow God to shape me.
I think I prefer it this way, little by little.The pieces are coming together. I'm sure I'll say the same nine more months down the road. I would say I can't wait to see it, but I can. I want to be present. I want to be here, fully.
I see what is around me, and that's enough.