Dear Falecia,
I know that the last few years haven’t been easy. You’ve been hurt by those closest to you, and the places you once considered to be safe are no longer a sanctuary. You’ve been struggling with depression for quite some time now, and the habitual suffering in your life has jaded you. Although you tell yourself that God is good, that there’s a purpose for it all and that you’ll eventually understand it when you get to heaven, you’re actually living tragically in the infinite resignation stage. Not to fear, my dear. Once you acknowledge your losses and truly let them go, you’ll make the leap of faith into the absurd where those losses will be reconciled to you - just differently than how you hoped or imagined. You have no idea what I’m talking about, but don’t worry, young knight of faith in-the-making, you’ll soon learn all about Søren Kierkegaard’s three stages of life and geek out over the beautiful and challenging lessons that Existential philosophy have to teach you about life, death, faith, and doubt at Wheaton.
Speaking of Wheaton, you could not have picked a more perfect college for you to attend. You don’t know it yet, but Wheaton will be a place of healing and growth for you. A place not without suffering, but rather one that gives you the proper tools to both name and navigate through your suffering in ways that you weren’t able to previously. A place where God provides for needs that you didn’t even know you had. A place of spiritual, personal, and intellectual enlightenment that leads you to do things you never imagined - like run a half-marathon, walk 171 miles of the Camino de Santiago, spend 9 months of your life in Spain, or drop your science major for an unknown plan that God would reveal to you in your junior and senior year.
Does that mean that your science classes were a waste of time and money? Far from it. In fact, those chemistry classes will come in handy when you’re teaching English at an NGO in Seville and you realize that you’ve been given a permanent marker instead of a dry-erase marker. You know that you need an alcohol solution to erase your lesson on the verb “ser” (to be), so you ask to use your friend’s cologne because there’s no rubbing alcohol anywhere to be found. In addition to the practical knowledge you'll gain from those classes, you'll also develope incredible friendships with peers and professors in the Applied Health Science department, such as your beloved CrossFit family, for whom you'll wake up at 5:30 every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday morning to experience a type of suffering that only burpees and wall walks can produce.
I know how tempting it is to believe the lie that your life would’ve been better had you chosen a different path, but don’t torture yourself any longer. Nothing is wasted, as I mentioned above, and Scripture agrees with me. Romans 8:28 says, "And you know that in all things God works together for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." I know that you had other dreams for your life. I know that the unfulfillment of those dreams left you feeling doubtful about your convictions to let them go and instead embrace God’s plan for your life - even when you didn’t know exactly what that plan was. But I promise that it’s worth it. As the lyrics of a worship song you’ll come to love proclaim:
Take courage, my heart.
Stay steadfast, my soul.
He’s in the waiting.
He’s in the waiting.
Hold onto your hope,
As your triumph unfolds
He’s never failing.
He’s never failing.
Sing praise, my soul.
Find strength in joy.
Let His Words lead you on.
Do not forget His great faithfulness.
He'll finish all He's begun.
I wish I could express how much joy you’ll experience in these next four years, or the tenderness that you’ll feel towards Wheaton and Spain. I know it sounds crazy, but you’re going to fall so in love with these places and the people in them that you won’t be able to imagine your life without them. So hold onto your hope, dear Isha. Don’t let life’s circumstances make you forget God’s faithfulness. He’s with you in the waiting. Take courage, my heart, because your triumph is unfolding before you - you just don’t know it it yet.
Love,
Isha